So having rescued Haiti with a slightly tacky reworking of "Halo", what, apart from a well-deserved break, is next for Beyoncé? Well, if all goes according to some elaborate blueprints drawn up by noted Robert Pattinson aficionado Simon Cowell, then a stint on his hit British series X Factor as a guest judge.

• Should Brad Pitt go all Tiger Woods on Angelina Jolie and a split becomes imminent, Jolie gets full custody of the kids. Their joint $330 million fortune will be split 50/50. [DListed]
• Kristen Stewart on her new stripper movie: "It's about understanding who you're playing and you have a responsibility because you feel like you can't let them down." [MTV]
• All because of Susan Boyle: The Scottish delicacy haggis could make a poignant comeback in the U.S. for the first time in 20 years. [The Press Association]

• Breaking! Beyoncé has finally killed off alter-ego Sasha Fierce. It's the end of an era, y'all. [Digital Spy]
• A hearty "Hell yeah!" is more than well-deserved for spurned mistress-to-Oracle exec Charles Phillips YaVaughnie Wilkins. Perhaps Elin Nordegren should take lessons in revenge from Wilkins. [Gawker]
• That backyard BBQ singles mixer thing featuring karaoke raised about $150 million for Haiti last night. [New York Post]

Last night was a wonderful night across the world where if you had never experienced the miracles of getting a colonic, your television brought one to you! So to speak. Celebrities, actors, and other famous people who aren't Heidi Montag, Taylor Momsen, or Lindsay Lohan all joined hands and sang a little prayer for the little country that loves its carbs in a big way. And unless you were "getting drunk for Haiti" or "going on blind dates for Haiti" or "eating lasagna for one for Haiti," you probably remember every moment of this poignant television event like it happened yesterday (which it did!) But in case you fall in the 97% of people who had something else better "to do for Haiti," a quick recap after the break.

Is it too early to say that Beyoncé will be the saving grace of the Hope for Haiti Now charity show tonight? Nah. Telethons, as a rule, are the schmaltziest publicity gimmicks that a working performer can take part in. (As we mentioned earlier today, you might think twice before giving them your cash money.) That is, unless said performer is Beyoncé, who has just finished a two-year campaign in support of I Am... that saw her release a dizzying number of singles, one which included Lady Gaga. Beyoncé's one of the last A-listers who actually needs more publicity than she has.

Looking at Billboard's year-end cross-section of people who make music who have also managed to dupe a sizable chunk of America into believing that the music they make is "quite good", you could facepalm yourself into a weepy deep sleep. Or you can look on the upside: That this year, women ruled pop. Despite some lamentable omissions like Rihanna, Shakira, and Mariah Carey. As they've sold about a quintillion records apiece and generated some of the year's biggest buzz. In short: Though only nine women (including Fergie from B.E.P.) may populate the Top 20, seven of those nine are in the Top 10, with three sewing up the Top 3. Ruminating on such Venus-Mars complexes may seem besides the point, it's always great as a footnote to how we're evolving beyond gender gaps. Grrl power, rah rah rah, sisters are doin' it for themselves, and so forth. Full list, plus video where relevant, after the break.

Can I get a "Happy Birthday!" to Jay-Z? The man you told you in 96 that he'd come to take this shit (and he did!) is now 40 years-old. Awh! As anybody who listened to The Black Album more than twice knows, December 4th is the day Gloria Carter gave birth to Shawn Carter, who was born weighing in at ten pounds, eight ounces. He was the last of her four children, and he learned how to ride a bike and listen to music and was special, because he became Jay-Z. Yay! What can you do to celebrate Hov's ascension into being the most successful middle-aged hip hop icon and mogul in the history of the universe?

I had this frightening dream last night. I was doing community service at the Silver Shires Home for The Olds and upon finishing my shift, I heard some hoots and hollers erupt from the Bingo Room. When I went to investigate what was happening, I found Edina, Harry, Phillip, and Nancy-Ann all having a gay old time laughing. They had passed around a crumpled piece of people with some scratchy handwriting that said 2010 Grammy Nominations and included phrases like "Dave Matthews Band" and "Jason Mraz" on it. Well, I just about fainted. And when I came to, I was mortified to find that this wasn't simply a sweet dream, but a beautiful nightmare come true. Far too true. A firm probe reveals that on this shortlist, the only word many of these performers and tunes should see follow Best is Substitute For a Coaster.

• While you were shoving brussels sprouts and glasses of mulled wine down your maw in between slabs of turkey over in Harlem, Orlando Bloom, Salma Hayek, and Gwyneth Paltrow jetted over to Marrakesh for a very special Morrocan Thanksgiving. [People]
• Despite epic critical failure, Lindsay Lohan's line for Ungaro has apparently been flying off store shelves. [Contactmusic]
• A remake of the already-remade-in-2005 Amityville Horror is being sloppily slapped together somewhere in The Hills. [DigitalSpy]

Are you sitting at home tonight with an ice pack to your head, trying to piece together shards of last night? Why not keep company with the American Music Awards? I mean yes, Jennifer Lopez is going to perform, but if anything can inspire you to spew up memories from last night, it'll be J.Lo trying to make the phrase "Fresh Out of the Oven" sound like some weird sexual euphemism. There's no warm glow more reassuring than the bland predictability of the AMAs. These award shows are not only uninspired in their pick of nominees, but they're even less inspired with who they choose to award. Basically, the same seven performers appear as nominees throughout five make-believe classifications of popular music. Also, Lady Gaga, currently enjoying a boom of critical and commercial fervor, is going to win everything. Favorite Male Country Performer? Lady Gaga. Favorite Latin Album? Lady Gaga. Favorite Rock Duo, Band, or Group? Lady Gaga. Duh. More importantly, within every category, there's always one nominee who's obviously kind of a red herring. That performer never stands a chance of winning but is placed there to demonstrate the AMAs' rebellious streak. A highlight of such obvious losers after the break. Though with Mercury in retrograde, upsets are always possible.