Are you tired of hokey recession specials that never end up scratching your gnawing, thirsty itch? We are rapidly becoming a city of broke drunks, thus it is vital we learn how to be the best broke drunks we can be. If you have no job, no prospects, and only a few bucks, but still maintain flawless taste, then check out the top ways to get your drink on without further damaging the already broken bank.

● Calle Ocho (Upper West Side) - Go to this spacious, attractive UWS Nuevo Latino on Sundays and order an appetizer. The policy is you must eat some sort of food in order to partake in the monster "sangria station," which is totally and completely F-R-E-E! That is correct, kiddies. A bevy of fruits, wines, rums, and all sorts of tasty drinkable treats line the dining room buffet-style, where you can ladle yourself to inebriation for hours.
● Welcome to the Johnsons (Lower East Side) - I like my bars how I like my men: grungy and cheap. This place is suitable for getting sloshed before going to the neighboring, pricier hotspots such as the Hotel on Rivington, 205, or Stanton Social.

Ever felt like leaving your inner gringo at home and cha-cha-ing through the night with the help of a little (or a lot of) tequila? Engaging in some libidinous reggae grinding, or chatting up a couple of sizzling golden mamis? You're in luck, guero.

1. Baraza (East Village) - This warm and sexy enclave in Alphabet City hits you with the perfect combination of sweaty salsa-dancing babes, stiff caprihainas that carry you through the night, and an awesome string of beats including cambia, salsa, meringue, reggaeton, and samba. Cuba in the middle of Manhattan.
2. Café Noir (Soho) - A hip tapas bar with a titillating vibe. Chic Euro-South American crowd infiltrates the dimly lit, comfy interiors. Excellent Moroccan fusion tapas make this place a SoHo favorite. Regulars love the “not too sweet” sangria and strong mojitos.

You’re a New Yorker. You like the hubbub around the Thanksgiving parade, the bright, big balloons and the cheery tourists gawking around the parade route, but you don’t actually want to get up at 6 a.m. to get a good (standing) spot on Broadway and shiver your way through the day. No. No you don’t. So like any good New Yorker, you’ll find another way. A way that will allow you to see the parade without the crowds and still sit around and eat turkey and watch football on the day of thanks. Here’s your other way. Starting around 3pm this Wednesday, stroll on over to 79th and Central Park West to watch the balloons getting blown up. Take photos. Feel superior to the crowds that will show up the next day. Then go grab a bite to eat at one of these fine neighborhood establishments. Enjoy not cooking.

1. ‘Cesca - Old school southern Italian. Order the entire antipasti menu ... it’s that good.
2. Bello Sguardo - Tapas by candlelight will get you in the mood.
3. Calle Ocho - Eight kinds of Mojitos, bright colors on the walls, and you’ll be dancing on the ones before you know it.