This past weekend I went to Fort Tilden beach on the Rockaway peninsula in Queens. A gorgeous natural setting, free of lifeguards and french fries, no traces of New York in sight. I wasted no time and ran straight into the blue, delirious that it was all a mere subway ride way. I pushed through waves, going deeper. Then things started touching me. I felt them graze my legs and bounce of my stomach. That’s when my friend said “there are so many jellyfish in here.” I looked around and they were everywhere -- alien blobs that seemed to all stare at me simultaneously, a mind-boggling feat considering they don’t have faces. And anything without a face is no friend of mine. I tore out of the water in fear and disgust. While some teased me for “cowardice,” it turns out I’m not alone. These tentacled pricks are terrorizing beachgoers the world over.