Did you know that today is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day? Apparently for want of some kind of cultural milestone to call its own, a terrible Indiana-based radio station started, nine years ago, to celebrate the advent of the packaging material on the last Monday of every January. This year marks the 50th anniversary of bubble wrap. And while popping bubble wrap in between your thumb and forefinger remains the most inexpensive form of therapy that exists, let's take time out to explore bubble wrap's primary purpose: To keep things from breaking. After the jump: Five celebrities who could be rolled in bubble wrap for red-eye flights between JFK and LAX to prevent fatigue, exhaustion, and further breakdowns.

Chris Brown, master of questionable decisions, right? I mean, how else could you explain the guy -- forever villainous for beating, biting and threatening to kill then-girlfriend Rihanna -- posing with a bloodied Jean Paul Gaultier at a boxing-themed fashion show? Frankly, it's disgusting. And ill-advised, if the once squeaky clean Michael Jackson heir ever wants to return to his softer days of making mall girls moist. Throw in that clumsy, cue card YouTube apology and that regrettable bowtie on Larry King Live, he must have the worst PR team ever. Or they know exactly what they're doing and it's more sinister than we could have imagined.

● The Tonight Show saga gets the musical treatment. "My stars. My word. I do declare/ That Conan’s self-abusing bear/Has given me, once more, the laughter/That I lost in the hereafter." [New Yorker]
● Was Kanye not invited to tonight’s Haiti Telethon because of his “George Bush Hates Black People” comment during the Katrina telethon? Since that’s the best thing that's ever happened on a telethon, this seems unfair. [Daily News]
● How to say eff you in 100 languages. (Take with a grain of salt, as our rudimentary knowledge of Latin leads us to believe “Dorme Mecum” means sleep with shit, which isn’t quite the same as the F-bomb.) [Buzzfeed]
● Prince loves football, records a not-particularly rousing song for the Vikings (they're team color is purple). Minnesota represent! [TMZ]

Young love is a tricky thing. One day you're skipping rope and spoon-feeding each other gelato. The next, a swine flu scare means it's bring-your-own-spoons and suddenly, your boyfriend's a big ninny who lacks the ability to sublimate his rage in a healthy way. How do you rebound after such melodrama? Especially if you're Rihanna and Chris Brown? Well, if you're Rihanna, you play private dancer for the guy who handed Taylor Swift her career on a silver platter. And if you're Chris Brown: Strippers!

I've been in India for the past couple weeks (and before you ask, no, I didn't happen upon Lindsay Lohan, although I did chance upon a crow shitting and that made me chime, "Metaphor!") and I've learned a thing or two from seeing the stray dogs that tend to travel in packs down the street. If you throw meat or even rotten fruit at them from afar, they'll keep coming back for more. It's here you can draw a parallel with Chris Brown's tweets, which are the most damnably rotten fruit you could ever ask for. And, the stray dogs who make up the world's gossip blogger class, could ask for nothing more. It's sad that C.Bro has left Twitter, thereby stripping us of many mango peels' worth of delicious, easy scandal. But it should make Brown quite glad, to know that despite his colorful tweets, first week sales of Graffiti are looking well robust.

God help us! Is there a way we can implore the universe to just place a gag order on Chris Brown as every new outburst from him is stupider than the last? No? Very well. Having thoroughly accosted a pop star, our TV screens, and his own career, the volatile rapper is now making bloodshot eyes for a new target: Record stores. Turns out these prehistoric brick-and-mortar establishments are refusing to stock copies of Brown's latest album. What with the domestic violence and his inability to hightail it to rehab for a solid year and let everyone get over his eff-up, retailers don't want to be spreading the wrong message.

Nearly a month after Rihanna's 20/20 confessional, Chris Brown has decided that none of us have his "side of the story" yet. And you know what's worse than Rihanna working the weepy victim angle to the ground to garner more sales? Chris Brown giving his best Bambi eyes to do the same. Only in his case, placing himself as the victim of a cruel and unrelenting media that can apparently never hope to understand what actually transpired between him and Rihanna in February. But seriously, what more does Brown have to say? What hasn't been covered? Good Morning America even nabbed him as a last-minute replacement for Adam Lambert where his insincere apology remained his tagline. So, um why keep trotting him out to repeat the same chorus over and over again? Is 20/20 being complicit in inhibiting the emotional recovery of RiBro? Well, obviously! Because what else could be made of forcing a man to sit through his ex-girlfriend's candid interview, while placing a camera on him to catch every flinch or errant sob? A sneak peek of tonight's segment after the jump.

Full disclosure: None of this is to say that I've reversed my verdict on Adam Lambert's boring miserable mess of a debut. However, It's easy to sympathize when airtime is being given to the boringest of miserable messes like Chris Brown because Lambert's unfocused, reactionary brand of gay showmanship annoyed the four North Dakotans who man the PTC control center enough to make ABC backpedal. So, ABC, please listen closely. You're being foolish. Adam Lambert may be stupid too, but he's smart-stupid.

• To kick start your God-hearting Sunday round-up: No one can confirm whether Taylor Lautner enjoys intimate male companionship, but it won't stop everyone else from speculating. Because Lautner in this age of celebrity obsession is comparable to flecks of gold in 1849. [Queerty]
• Have a look-see at Heidi Klum Samuel's new baby pictures. [Us]
• Newest date on Chris Brown's Press Tour of Half-Assed Apologies: A stint on 20/20! [EW.com]

• While you were shoving brussels sprouts and glasses of mulled wine down your maw in between slabs of turkey over in Harlem, Orlando Bloom, Salma Hayek, and Gwyneth Paltrow jetted over to Marrakesh for a very special Morrocan Thanksgiving. [People]
• Despite epic critical failure, Lindsay Lohan's line for Ungaro has apparently been flying off store shelves. [Contactmusic]
• A remake of the already-remade-in-2005 Amityville Horror is being sloppily slapped together somewhere in The Hills. [DigitalSpy]