Sure, everyone's seen the basic mockups and diagrams of Apple's forthcoming tablet product, which will transmit directly from Steve Jobs fingertips to your waiting, moistened loins in just a few hours. You know it's going to be shaped like a tablet and have a screen, and some orifices of various kinds. Inside will be some machines that do things. That might sound a little vague but we have to express these things in layman's terms to avoid confusion and lawsuits. Still, now that the iAnnunciation is almost upon us, surely there's no harm in releasing a few other top-secret patent diagrams for Apple's tablet that everyone in the know has been hotly debating. Oh, you hadn't seen these? Well don't worry, it's not like you're out of touch or behind the curve or anything. Not everyone can be best friends with Steve, because he only trusts a certain number of extremely cool people. Take a peek, but you didn't get these from me.

So here we have a pair of economically minded individuals bringing economic debate to the masses through the power and beauty of rap. It's John Maynard Keynes deathmatching F. A. Hayek on the merits of bailout spending and economic stimulus. To sum up: Keynes = baller, Hayek = hater. Keynes is all about opening the fiscal floodgates, but Hayek scoffs, "Your focus on spending is pushing on thread / In the long run, my friend, it's your theory that's dead / So sorry there, buddy, if that sounds like invective / Prepared to get schooled in my Austrian perspective." Holla, ja! Watch the clip, then hit the jump to learn what happened when the lady with a dollar in her name weighed in on the results.

A.A. Gill makes good sport of Kentucky's Creation Museum over at Vanity Fair. A $27 million non-museum highlighting very Christian dioramas of biblical scenarios and humanist-refuting tableaux, the joint makes for an easy target. "This place doesn’t just take on evolution -- it squares off with geology, anthropology, paleontology, history, chemistry, astronomy, zoology, biology, and good taste." Gill's hilarious, though his target couldn't be more of a setup, and his contempt for anyone not coastally slim, slick, and smart eventually gets a little embarrassing. Even the Washington Post's Ian Shapira can't help tut-tutting at the plight of the poor (non-evolving) monkey in this barrel. In fact, there's a much better mark for this kind of ire: Orlando's Holy Land Experience theme park. I've made the pilgrimage, and verily, it sucketh.

Take a gander at this pilot for a new web series called Videmic -- a show of shows, rounding up what's going on with online video. This one is about the sexing. Like it? Should we run it? Hate it? Let us know in the comments.

When I visited the Burj Dubai last May, it was pretty much done on the outside and damned impressive. But Dubai was still in denial about its finances, though they were shortly disabused of the notion that the emirate was immune to the global economic collapse. Things looked dire indeed until neighboring Abu Dhabi bailed them out to the tune of $10 billion (totaling $25 billion for the year), and it's only right that when the Burj finally opened yesterday, it was renamed the Burj Khalifa, after Abu Dhabi emir Sheik Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan (also the president of the United Arab Emirates). Anyway, you know the building's now the world's tallest at 2,717 feet, and that it cost $1.5 billion, but do you know who washes the windows?

Well lookee there, it's our own Steve Lewis on CBS' The Early Show this morning, speaking about l'affaire Rachel Uchitel. Video clip after the jump.

Rachel Uchitel is an accomplished nightclub VIP operations manager who's gotten rather famous, rather suddenly. In a bombshell National Enquirer story that's yet to appear online, a young lady from Las Vegas named Ashley Samson alleges that Uchitel, a friend of hers, has been enjoying a months-long affair with decidedly married pro golfer Tiger Woods; tabloids even speculate that Woods' car accident this morning occurred after he fought with wife Elin Nordegren over the revelations. The media's going nuts over the scandal, so we called Uchitel and asked for her side of the story. "I've had better days," she began.

Bryan Batt plays creative director Salvatore Romano on AMC's Mad Men, and he's emerged as one of the show's most unambiguously sympathetic characters. A talented and expressive professional, he's also a deeply closeted gay man in an era and culture that keeps him very much on the down low -- even to himself. Fans were shocked when Sal was abruptly fired from ad agency Sterling Cooper after rejecting the advances of an amorous client, and his future on the show remains cloudy. Batt's prospects, however, have rarely looked rosier, as he enjoys both critical acclaim and domestic success with his New Orleans decor boutique, Hazelnut (co-owned with Batt's partner of many years Tom Cianfichi). Batt talks with us about his ideal return to Mad Men, hunky National Guardsmen making the best of Hurricane Katrina, and getting dressed to the nines.

Something struck me about the fine sci-fi romp District 9 when I finally caught it the other day -- that being just how sympathetic the aliens are. Not just in terms of their social situation as oppressed minorities under the thumb of human thugs et cetera, but just viscerally and visually. Which is odd, considering they are basically giant bugs, and bugs disgust me; the aliens are referred to pejoratively as "prawns" by the humans in the movie. Part of the aliens' believability comes from excellent CGI effects and movement work, but there's another factor. Despite having a bug face with constantly writhing mouth parts, the aliens also have a big ol' pair of soulful human eyeballs. Not much chance of that happening in evolutionary terms for an insectoid race, but screw verisimilitude. This is about getting relatable, and movie aliens have been copping man-eyes for decades in order to connect with human audiences.

We did this for a show! So true. When you prove just how stupid and gullible our culture has become by attracting a record-shattering international television audience with an initially heart-rending but ultimately ludicrous sideshow, you'll go to jail. And after that, we're going to put you back on TV. The Heene family may be about to surrender to authorities, and they may be convicted of a crime (probably a misdemeanor, as felony conspiracy will be difficult to prove). But after the legal smoke clears, you can rest assured that the Heenes will get the TV show they've always wanted. Skeptical? Then ask yourself this question -- who's the more repellant criminal, balloon-boy dad Richard Heene or canine-combat enthusiast Michael Vick?