Over the last two decades, Maxim has featured a bevy of beauties on its covers, from Hollywood starlets to sexy female sports stars. But like the unfortunate souls found on Playboy's worst cover-girl list, Maxim does suffer the occasional miscast. Although it may be interesting to see Fergie in a bra, even the mag's target audience might think twice about incorporating her into one's genteel nighttime fantasies. But Fergie's hardly the only gal who maybe didn't turn in her best work fronting for Maxim.

Last night was a wonderful night across the world where if you had never experienced the miracles of getting a colonic, your television brought one to you! So to speak. Celebrities, actors, and other famous people who aren't Heidi Montag, Taylor Momsen, or Lindsay Lohan all joined hands and sang a little prayer for the little country that loves its carbs in a big way. And unless you were "getting drunk for Haiti" or "going on blind dates for Haiti" or "eating lasagna for one for Haiti," you probably remember every moment of this poignant television event like it happened yesterday (which it did!) But in case you fall in the 97% of people who had something else better "to do for Haiti," a quick recap after the break.

Some of us are totally hopeless when it comes to engineering high-quality publicity stunts. And the rest of us let George Clooney organize such extravaganzas and idly wait by the phone, hoping he'll ask us to join him. Among those of us who were so lucky: Rihanna, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Taylor Swift. Essentially, any pop star who has a project that needs or will need pimping has signed on to perform at Friday's televised benefit for Haiti. Sure somewhere in the germ of the idea for a Haiti relief telethon are the best of intentions. But as is typical, such intentions are jockeying with the quest for publicity and maximum viewership.

It seems like forever and a half that fans have been waiting for Christina Aguilera's Back to Basics follow-up. And now, another horrible kink in the works: a fender-bender! Aguilera's SUV that was responsible for the accident in the first place, but thankfully Xtina wasn't injured. As responsible motorists should do after such collisions, she swapped insurance details with the car that her SUV crashed into. Still, because of the paperwork and ensuing emotional turmoil, this is sure to bump back Aguilera's fourth studio record, Light & Darkness to 2011 or even 2012, by which point, we'll have forgotten about her.

Beyoncé can be credited with some of mankind's greatest accomplishments: Inventing a machine to turn unscrupulous cholitas into goal-minded independent women, teaching hipsters how to dance, joining forces with Lady Gaga, fearlessly plowing through complex Jungian themes and, of course, taming the wild ways of Southeast Asia. And despite the resonance and frequency of her heroic feats, it seems our heroine is inexhaustible: her fourth album is tentatively scheduled for release as soon as next year.

● Amy Winehouse had quite the scare when she believed her newly installed breast implants had exploded; she was rushed to the hospital, but not before stopping for some fried chicken. [News.au]
● Despite a fake CNN article that says otherwise, Zach Braff is not dead of an apparent suicide. [WPix]
● Julianne Hough has been added to the never-ending cast of Christina Aguilera’s film debut Burlesque. She’ll join Kristen Bell, Cher, and Stanley Tucci as a fellow dancer. [E!]

● Spencer Pratt has risen to a new level of d-baggery by legally changing his name to “King Spencer Pratt.” [Us]
● Christina Aguilera doesn’t believe in dieting -- mostly because she can’t stop eating --so instead of putting down the ice cream, the singer works off every bad thing she eats. [Showbizspy]
● Jon Gosselin has joined Twitter, therefore cutting out the middleman (a.k.a the tabloids) in updating civilians on every inane moment of his life. [Twitter]

Previously: Le Tigre! Sia! Goldfrapp! Ladytron! And now Christina Aguilera, like a ventriloquist, has managed to stay tight-lipped while intimating how she's also collaborated with Santigold and M.I.A.. But specific details about the Best Album Ever otherwise remain cloudy. We don't even have a release date, although a viral should be forthcoming -- it usually is.

● Despite the Gosselins renewing their vows on television last November, Jon Gosselin says his marriage fell apart last October, so his partying and man-whoring is totally justified. [MSNBC]
● This new round of Vanessa Hudgens nude cellphone pics are actually older than the original scandalous photos, as the former High School Musical actress learned her lesson about nude photos the first time around. [E!]
● Did Michael Jackson steal his gender- and race-bending transformation from this 3,000-year-old female Egyptian bust? [NBC]

Last we saw Project Runway, she had fashioned a noose out of a surplus of tulle and had placed a stick of dynamite between her teeth, but not before saying, "Arrivederci cruel world!" We were sure that we'd creep into the cellar to find a mess of glitter and pincushions, perhaps even a cat or two mewing about. But no, it seems Lifetime is going to reap big from the sixth season of Runway. This also means that, once again, we finally get to enjoy Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum weekly -- a needed reprieve from the befuddling non-chemistry of Isaac Mizraahi and Kelly Rowland. But that's not all!