There’s a veritable mascara war going on out there, and it’s getting serious. It started off small, pitting two vibrating mascaras against one another -- Lancome Ôscillation and Estee Lauder’s Turbo Lash, but now it’s spreading with Givenchy eschewing a traditional brush or comb for a porcupine-eque spherical applicator, while SpinLash has a rotating version. What do we make of all these newfangled lash-lengthening devises?

When it comes to self-tanner, exactly how much is too much? (Wait, did we just pull a Bradshaw?) When others notice, and comment on, the persistent smell of the DHA in your self-tanner rather than your perfume, you’ve gone a little too far. When you've gone from sun-kissed to Doritos fingers, you’ve gone too far.

All too often my nightlife tales are forgettable, either by chance, choice, or by way of the margarita. All of the above can account for loss of memory if you happened to have spent your evening at Dos Caminos SoHo in the close company of their famously lethal Chapuline. Unfortunately, forgettable nights are somehow habitually chronicled, with coworkers all reading the unruly details the next morning as headlines written across my face. Captions: sallow skin, puffy eyes, and dark circles.