● The eldest Jackson, Rebbie, is not too keen on Joe Jackson pushing MJ’s kids into a new reality show, saying that Michael “would spin in his grave” at the idea. [FoxNews]
● Penelope Cruz will play a supporting role in the Sex and the City sequel; she’ll be a sharp-dressed banker who gets up close and personal with Mr. Big. [People]
● The Child Labor Coalition would like to have a word with Pamela Anderson after she was seen at the Hollywood Style Awards with a child trailing behind her carrying her train. [theSuperficial]

Once in a while, even the most molasses-iest of inert gossip can accumulate and clog up the works worse than that time you decided to experiment with flushing Q-tips down the toilet. Many of these stories are unfounded and tend to cite "a source" and provide very little in the way of actual substance. For bloggers who got lost on their way to law school and ended up camped up in front of a MacBook, this is a problem. For certain other bloggers, it means a chance to put that crumpled up, crappy MFA degree to good use and embellish the empty spaces with poignant tales with Life Lessons and a chance to volley big words. But eventually, an ominous cloud has to float on and rain all over our pop parade. Thanks, Gossip Cop! Even if there are a million things wrong with the idea of "responsible celebrity gossip"! So without further ado, a recap of more prominent things that appeared to look one way earlier this week, but now appear considerably different and less interesting.

● The revamped Melrose Place, which counts Ashlee Simpson-Wentz as a resident, will be Heather Locklear-less. The actress who played Amanda Woodward has turned down the chance to appear on the CW show. [EW]
● Crispin Glover has lent his voice to the children’s favorite Little Miss Muffet. The results are as creepy as you would expect. [Youtube]
● Are you ready for CloFu? That’s George Clooney-flavored tofu! PETA seems to think it’s a great idea! [NBC]

Professional matchmaker Amy Laurent offers advice for Hollywood's confirmed bachelors and those recently in the doghouse.

What's in store for Guy Ritchie?
Well, he was always Mr. Madonna, but he has in his own accomplishments. He needs to date someone less famous. He's been seeing actress Kelly Riley, who is great because she's not such a superstar. I really like him with Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef. She's divorced from Salman Rushdie and definitely doesn't need to be with another writer. And look, I hate to promote adultery, but I kind of like Madonna with A-Rod.

Yeah, it's pretty hot.
They are both huge, but in different industries. Plus physically I always pictured her with a darker guy.

Now that the Coen Bros. have proved Fargo was no fluke, they’re out to do the same with their cult bro-pus, The Big Lebowski. That’s the kind of vibe we’re getting from the new trailer for Burn After Reading, their star-crammed CIA dark comedy. Brad Pitt and George Clooney in a movie that isn'’t Ocean’s Fourteen is promising enough, but tack on Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, and J.K Simmons, and you’ve got an early favorite for SAG’'s Ensemble of the Year award. And the trailer proves that Pitt, who already looks like a mimbo, was born to play one too.

On a day when the world mourns the split of George Clooney and his bride-to-never-be Sarah Larson, reports have surfaced that Hollywood’s third most photogenic couple, Bill Murray and wife Jennifer, are getting a divorce. And while celebrity divorces have become humdrum—especially when one of them isn’t even a celebrity—this latest one is tinged with a touch of scandal.

Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez, two of the world's most well-respected sniffers, are days away from the release of their illuminating and entertaining new book, Perfumes: The Guide. Below, they sound off on Tom Ford's cocaine-and-crotch controversy, slathering George Clooney in rancid butter, and how to decode fragrance-speak. What's "fresh" actually mean? God only nose.

Luca Turin is a biophysicist who specializes in the art of fragrance. In 1992, he wrote his first book on scent, which was the best-selling tome of its kind in France. (Mostly because it was the only book of its kind in France, jokes Turin.) Tania Sanchez is a successful writer and poet, the sour to Turin's sweet, who has traded editorial advice for free perfume. Together, they've written Perfumes: The Guide, a comprehensive, lighthearted, hilarious look at, well, almost every perfume and cologne ever made. It's at once illuminating and silly, but make no mistake, these two take their noses very seriously. Says Turin of the book's imminent release, "I don't have a lot of perfumer friends, but I think that number is going to go down, not up." After the jump, their scents and sensibilities.

Full (totally bullshit, borderline incoherent) press release after the jump!