● In Michael Lohan’s guesstimation, Lindsay Lohan has a week, or a month, or a year to live and needs to be in a long-term rehab, lest she wind up like Heath Ledger, who Michael would like you to know was very close to Lilo. [NYDailyNews]
● Lady Gaga’s ninth tattoo will be a dedication to her father, who lived through open-heart surgery. Fittingly, Gaga plans to get a heart with the word "Dad" inside of it. [ContactMusic]
● Natalie Portman defends her vegetarianism by comparing eating meat to rape. [Celebrity-Gossip]

Remember those exciting few months leading up the release of The Dark Knight last summer, when the film's viral marketing campaign was changing the way movies are marketed, and all anyone could write about (including this writer) was Heath Ledger's supposedly earth-shattering portrayal of the Joker? Those were fun times that now seem to be of another life time. Ledger collected all the posthumous awards he possible could have, and the next Batman film languishes in development hell with silly rumors of Megan Fox and Cher as Catwoman. Now that Ledger is gone, and the prospect of never seeing his Joker on screen again is a likely one, his role in the movie feels much too small. What happens after he's captured and sent to Arkham Asylum for evaluation? Some amateur, albeit talented and ambitious filmmakers, have decided to answer that question.

When Mickey Rourke accepted his Best Actor award at last year's Independent Spirit Awards for The Wrestler, he took the opportunity to remind the film community of another aging bull out there who deserves a second chance at cinematic glory. While the camera cut to a very embarrassed Roberts, Rourke declared, "Eric Roberts is probably the best actor I ever worked with, and I don't know why in the last fifteen years, ain't nobody give him a chance to show his shit again ... Eric Roberts is the fuckin' man." While the 53-year-old actor (and brother to Julia) probably won't be collecting industry hardware anytime soon, a quick trip to his IMDb page will show you he's hardly out of work. Starting September 18, you can see him as a mogul with a heart of gold in the series Crash, a spin-off of the Oscar-winning film. After that, he'll play a corrupt CIA specialist in Sly Stallone's Arnold-less action opus The Expendables. Here is the "the fuckin' man" on falling in love with a wrestler, getting embarrassed by The Wrestler, and giving makeup tips to Heath Ledger.

To the dismay of everyone within earshot of my desk, my excitement will not be quelled about how totally major this year's Cannes Film Festival is going to be. In addition to new awards-contenders from the likes of Quentin Tarantino and Michel Gondry (who didn't make the list, only because I couldn't find much on his latest film, L'epine Dans le Coeur), the sun-soaked Riviera festival will premiere Sam Raimi’s return to death and evil, as well as Jane Campion’s first major release since the Kiwi director tried, disastrously, to make Meg Ryan edgy in 2003’s In the Cut. Penelope Cruz hugs a lot of people in Pedro Almodóvar’s Broken Embraces, Ang Lee takes Woodstock and Brad Pitt screams, “Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Nazi scalps ... and I want my scalps!” Oh, and the late Heath Ledger might just get another Oscar. After the jump, the festival’s, if not the year’s, most anticipated films (with trailers).

● Queen Elizabeth is the latest recessionista. Word is she’s cutting back at the Buckingham Palace, asking staffers to reuse leftovers from banquets, among other things. [Page Six]
● Speaking of cutting back, Karl Lagerfeld has downsized his luxurious lifestyle ... almost. Lagerfeld ditched his Paris home but kept his chambermaid, chauffeur, and chef, who are all "musts." Oh, and he refuses to get rid of his Hummers. [Spiegel]
● Louis Vuitton announced today they're scrapping plans to build their 10-story Ginza flagship store amid a declining luxury market in Japan. This would have been the largest LV store in the world. [WWD]

Scott Campbell’s needles have seen more celebrities’ flesh than those of a Beverly Hills Botox specialist. The man behind Saved Tattoo is responsible for body art adorning everyone from model Lily Cole and Marc Jacobs to the late Heath Ledger. In a recent interview with Starworks, Campbell muses on his work for the aforementioned boldfacers, as well as his book, currently in the works.

Heath Ledger's ghoulish Joker makeup gave me the heebie jeebies. But he looks like a squeezable birthday clown compared to this grisly concept art. Some of these images, found in The Art of The Dark Knight, were created before Ledger was cast -- back when names like Crispin Glover, Lachy Hulme, and Paul Bettany were bandied about. Ledger's knife-wielding clown was a frightening cat, but this joker would have sported a chainsaw.

With another $75 million at the box office (biggest second weekend ever beeotches!), The Dark Knight is something of a phenomenon. And with Heath Ledger’s rendering of the Joker now entering icon territory, I’d like to see those hollow eyes and carved smile replace Che Guevera as the symbol of manufactured revolucion. /Film has assembled a large collection of Joker T-shirts, each available for purchase online, with designs ranging from punk-rock nostalgia to copies of the film’s posters. Apologies to John Wayne Gacy, whose run as coolest murdering clown is officially over.

Back in March, we noted the slow renovation of a restaurant on Brooklyn's Bedford Avenue into a new venture partially backed by a mystery celebrity. Via Eater we learn that Down by the Hipster has revealed the mystery backer as none other than Heath Ledger. Though Ledger's death slowed things down for obvious reasons, "his father became executor of the estate and because he knew how much the project meant to heath, he released the funds to finish construction." Interestingly, a commenter on our own post -- "shiso" -- gave Ledger's name back in April. Spies everywhere! Tentative name for the new place is "the Five Leaves."

It was bound to happen. The Dark Knight has garnered its first negative review and it comes from New York Magazine critic David Edelstein. The film was sporting a 100% fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes until Edelstein came along and spoiled the party. He called Heath Ledger's performance, which has earned unanimous raves, "painful to watch," and wrote that "scarier than what the Joker does to anyone onscreen is what Ledger must have been doing to himself." As for the film's script, it's as if it was written by "Oxford philosophy majors trying to tone up a piece of American pop." And speaking of Oxford philosophy majors, it seems as though one of them eloquently responded to Edelstein's review in the comments section.