Friday's - yeah, that Friday's - is coming to Union Square, and we're scared. For us, yeah, but especially for tourists: every year, hundreds of thousands pour into New York, and hit the same, godawful places everyone else does, or worse, the ones they could hit at home. You can't (entirely) blame them: they don't know any better, besides which, doing touristy things in New York isn't the worst way to see this city! Some things - like hitting up a deli, roaming New York's parks, trying to get a good view of the urban landscape, or taking in the epicenter of the action in midtown - really aren't to be missed, or begrudged. But why waste away at the same spots, doing the same things that've been done time and time again? They're generally mediocre experiences. We polled our staff panel of self-proclaimed Manhattanites, and came up with a list of alternatives to the turns many a tourist takes wrong. We've consciously omitted Brooklyn and Queens, who deserve their own list; for now, here're your 2009 New York Tourist Trap Alternatives.

Are you tired of hokey recession specials that never end up scratching your gnawing, thirsty itch? We are rapidly becoming a city of broke drunks, thus it is vital we learn how to be the best broke drunks we can be. If you have no job, no prospects, and only a few bucks, but still maintain flawless taste, then check out the top ways to get your drink on without further damaging the already broken bank.

● Calle Ocho (Upper West Side) - Go to this spacious, attractive UWS Nuevo Latino on Sundays and order an appetizer. The policy is you must eat some sort of food in order to partake in the monster "sangria station," which is totally and completely F-R-E-E! That is correct, kiddies. A bevy of fruits, wines, rums, and all sorts of tasty drinkable treats line the dining room buffet-style, where you can ladle yourself to inebriation for hours.
● Welcome to the Johnsons (Lower East Side) - I like my bars how I like my men: grungy and cheap. This place is suitable for getting sloshed before going to the neighboring, pricier hotspots such as the Hotel on Rivington, 205, or Stanton Social.

The first thing you see is the Kennedy teeth: lots, in a broad but no-nonsense grin. Being born with a platinum spoon in her mouth gave Kick Kennedy a taste for philanthropic causes, music, history, and -- journalism? “I’m an intern at Rolling Stone,“ she says. “They’re a good group of people -- and it gives me a chance to explore two of my interests: music and writing.“ Which just challenges the theory that journalism isn’t a job for grown-ups because Kick Kennedy has a very old head. Always has.

Carnivores, take your ‘cue ...

1. Hill Country - Texas’s first palatable export in at least a generation.
2. Wildwood - David Rockwell channels Uncle Jessie with urbane/barny digs.
3. bar Q - Anita Lo’s creative B(B)Q satisfying fashionable Asiaphiles.