Yesterday, we talked of ridiculous hotels that may never be; today, the Jay-Z hotel that never was is causing the hip hop mogul problems. In 2007, the jigga man borrowed money to open a "J Hotel" on West 21st Street, but when the economy took a nose dive, plans for the hotel were ditched. Now, he's suing the investment firm and the bank on the project for $3.7 million, claiming they're "bleeding" him on loans on the abandoned project.

The outpouring of support for the people of Haiti is at once so inspiring and so frustrating. The star power that turned out for last night's Hope For Haiti Now was truly blinding, full of generous A-listers doing anything they could to raise money for the victims of disaster. But why must George Clooney wink in the TV's direction to inspire everyday people to do what they can to help? And Bono, King of the World, makes everything nigh insufferable. Sure, Beyoncé has grace for days, but the whole thing just reeks of shallow first world guilt and schmaltz.

Last night was a wonderful night across the world where if you had never experienced the miracles of getting a colonic, your television brought one to you! So to speak. Celebrities, actors, and other famous people who aren't Heidi Montag, Taylor Momsen, or Lindsay Lohan all joined hands and sang a little prayer for the little country that loves its carbs in a big way. And unless you were "getting drunk for Haiti" or "going on blind dates for Haiti" or "eating lasagna for one for Haiti," you probably remember every moment of this poignant television event like it happened yesterday (which it did!) But in case you fall in the 97% of people who had something else better "to do for Haiti," a quick recap after the break.

Good god. Jay-Z and Bono are teaming up to save Haiti. Or rather, on a track to save Haiti. Surely, we can't disparage any charitable efforts being made on behalf of a country in need of all the disaster response and support it can get. But that said, can't Jay-Z just record his own track? Will Bono ever not make an appearance on a charity tribute song? Answers, to both of those questions: no. As evidenced by the tragedy that struck Haiti, the world is a cruel and unfair place, and must do things to its inhabitants to demonstrate how cruel it can be. Like delivering a new Jay-Z track to the world...with Bono on it. We've tried to determine exactly what the collaborative effort will sound like using the magic of the YouTube Doubler. Or, in an ideal world, what it would sound like....

● U2 and Jay-Z recording a song for Haiti that will so totally kick “We Are the World’s” ass. [BBC]
● Now instead of 'I Love You,' say 'Tweet Me' with your Valentine’s Day candy. Because that's better. [URLesque]
● Billy Baldwin has been cast on Gossip Girl as Serena’s erstwhile father. Stephen and Daniel continue looking for work. [E!]

In Esquire's current "People Who Matter" issue, there’s a 4,000-word feature by Lisa Taddeo on Jay-Z that doesn’t include an interview with Hova himself. This isn’t the first time Esquire's pulled out the ol' write around, having famously done so in the legendary Gay Talese profile of Frank Sinatra, “Frank Sinatra Has a Cold.” In that 1966 piece, a landmark of the so-called New Journalism, Talese spoke to everyone but Blue Eyes himself, who wouldn't consent to an interview. And have you heard? Jay's the new Sinatra-- so how does the Jay profile stack up against its masterful predecessor? That depends on how much you already know about Mr. Shawn Carter (he was born in the projects! Now, he's a business, man!) and how much you still care.

● Elton John told BBC Radio Saturday that he has been there for Eminem during the rapper's battle with drug addiction. But no homo, though. [AP]
● Tabloid cash cow and horrible father Michael Lohan spent the year's first days challenging ex-bff Jon Gosselin to a boxing match, then getting tattooed with Gosselin's ex-girlfriend. Lindsay's 2010 resolution? Punch Dad. [Radar/TMZ]
● It's possible that Beyoncé took a $2 million payday to perform at New Year's Eve party financed by Libya's mob-like military dictator Muammar Gaddafi, solidifying Jay-Z's status as the new Frank Sinatra. [Mediaite]

It appears that Beyoncé, patron saint of urban pop music, has decided to pull a fast one and tack on a hyphen to her "Knowles" surname to make room on her driver's license for Jay-Z's last name "Carter." That's right. Beyoncé Giselle Knowles, from here on out, can now be referred to as Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. So much for girl power! And taking a stand! and puttin' the "fierce" in Sasha Fierce, Ms. B.!

It's time to check in with Rihanna again, is it? Excellent. "Cold Case Love" is holding up very well after roughly fourteen thousand listens, despite an overall blah album. But we can't expect everyone to slap together a solid album of bangers. Not everyone's Annie, are they? Anyway. For her next mission, Rihanna wants to help engineer America's Next Top Pop Star ... by poaching one from the UK!

Can I get a "Happy Birthday!" to Jay-Z? The man you told you in 96 that he'd come to take this shit (and he did!) is now 40 years-old. Awh! As anybody who listened to The Black Album more than twice knows, December 4th is the day Gloria Carter gave birth to Shawn Carter, who was born weighing in at ten pounds, eight ounces. He was the last of her four children, and he learned how to ride a bike and listen to music and was special, because he became Jay-Z. Yay! What can you do to celebrate Hov's ascension into being the most successful middle-aged hip hop icon and mogul in the history of the universe?