This should serve as fair warning so next year when people are going on about, "How'd this shrill cockatoo land a record deal?" they can at least recall the moment when hip-hop king Jay-Z agreed to assist her in her bid to break America. Which is a past-time for many British pop artists. Perhaps Cheryl Cole, one-fifth of Britain's biggest girlband Girls Aloud, is more suited for American conquest as a solo performer than with the band which made her a tabloid fixture overseas. To her credit, Cole's already courted goodwill within the hip-hop scene, lending her tinny vocals to a will.i.am single -- who also executive produced her debut record. And unlike much of her band's material, Cole's solo work decidedly leans more towards a generic urban pop vibe. Which, given the success of acts like the Pussycat Dolls, shouldn't be a terribly tough sell for Jay-Z to make to the American public.

What to do after sharing your story with eight million other people and being branded definitely "not slutty" by a middling British girlband? Make an unexpected appearance at a Jay-Z concert, naturally!

I didn't go to the Yankees parade today, because as much of a fan as I am, the kind that go to parades are the kind of sports fans I try to avoid in general: people who can get out of work on a Friday and be shitfaced before I even wake up. Well, these were the people who got to watch Yankee mascot Jay-Z perform "Empire State of Mind" for Mayor Bloomberg, the World Series-winning Yankees, and the thousands of drunk people who descended on downtown New York, from the Battery to City Hall, to scream at their favorite team, centaurs and all. Video after the jump. The image of Jay-Z rapping in front of City Hall? Priceless.

Dear Phillies, Philly Fans, and the Rest of Yankee-Hating America,

Remember the face you all made when listening to Jigga The Greek the night of Game 2? You probably don't, because -- like the Phillies -- you were probably enjoying Jay-Z's World Series performance of "Empire State of Mind." Despite your lame, predictable, populist leanings -- and yes, being a Phillies bandwagon fan right now is almost as bad as being a Red Sox bandwagon fan, ever -- you can’t resist a good time. Which we will show you. As we beat you. Which we're about to do. Thanks to Jay-Z.

● Simon Cowell has yet to comment on the appointment of Ellen DeGeneres as the new AI judge. Could he be mad at producers for not being in the know over the super-secret decision? [NYPost]
● Jay-Z is bigger than Elvis! The rapper’s latest effort has broken Elvis’ record as the solo artist with the most No. 1 albums in history. [Rap-Up]
● Mario Lopez will don a sexy S&M lingerie get-up (fishnet, garters, and all) when he returns to Nip/Tuck. [PopBytes]

● Megan Fox, like Lindsay Lohan, has a Marilyn Monroe obsession (see Fox’s Marilyn tat) and fears that she will meet the same tragic end, adding she has “’bouts of schizophrenia.” [Yahoo]
● There’s at least one reason to tune into this year’s MTV Video Music Awards: the Twilight gods will bless the ceremony with an exclusive New Moon trailer. [MTV]
● Naomi Campbell is looking to start a catfight with PETA. Fifteen years ago the model posed for PETA’s “I’d rather go naked” campaign, but now Campbell is back to hawking fur coats for designer Dennis Basso. [AdFreak]

Jay-Z's kind of everywhere these days. He's on the cover of XXL. He's in an awesome American Express commercial. He recently announced a special, one-off 9/11 benefit concert at Madison Square Garden, coinciding with the release of The Blueprint III, which just leaked to the internet, which Memphis Bleek blamed on Timbaland. Oh: and he's at the Grizzly Bear show in Williamsburg, with Beyonce. And supposedly, he got on stage with them. Did he? We! Have! Video!

● Leonardo DiCaprio is preparing to get all Christian Bale for his new film Inception. The actor is set to start a crash diet so he can appear emaciated for a pivotal scene in the film. [Radar]
● After a four-year hiatus, the VH1 Divas Concert is back on with everybody’s favorite incoherent diva Paula Abdul as host. [JustJared]
● Those rumors that Gwyneth Paltrow is the Yoko of Coldplay are back on now that the actress is allegedly trying to get husband Chris Martin to leave the band and go solo. [BettyConfidential]

● Will Beyoncé and Jay-Z grace us with the greatest collaboration of them all -- a baby -- after Beyoncé finishes her world tour? [Showbizspy]
● What’s Arnold Schwarzenegger's first job post-Governator? To re-team with James Cameron and Tom Arnold for another shoot ‘em up action flick a la True Lies. [ComingSoon]
● I’m guessing on-again 0ff-again couple Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker are off again given their Twitter war of words, where Barker calls Moakler a shitty mom with a Lester the Molester uncle. [AllieisWired]

Exciting few days of music for New York. At a down-low Diesel party Thursday night, Kanye, the Clipse, Lykke Li, Passion Pit, The Roots, and Cobra Starship all rocked the same house, and it was free, with an open bar. On Friday night, The National, Vampire Weekend, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and Jay-Z -- filling in for the Beastie Boys, who are on hiatus until Adam Yauch can recover from health issues -- brought the house down as the headliners for the first night of All Points West, what's now clearly the East Coast's version of Coachella. Saturday's lineup, capped by My Bloody Valentine and Tool, was slightly underwhelming (question: should MBV play venues that large?). Sunday, Coldplay reportedly killed it, charming even the most jaded hipster into enjoying "Yellow." But the two moments this weekend will probably be remembered for were the tributes to the fallen/rescheduled Beasties.