Well isn't this utterly vile! Our condolences, Jennifer Aniston! Not only has your former flame's flick flat-lined over the weekend, but he's allowed himself to be swooped by the ever-enterprising Lindsay Lohan, who is apparently looking to plant a few tabloid seeds before her big excursion to India. We're not blaming Lohan, who's willing to attach herself to the underbelly of any high-profile Hollywoodster in order to climb back to studios' good graces. That's an epic ascent. How to speed it along? With a little tongue naturally.

I think Havelock Ellis had it right when he said “The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw," but that still doesn't stop bloggers from rating and ranking celebs into categories of babes and butterfaces. For those of you who are a little out of touch with the meme, it's a woman (or a man) who has a beautiful body, though her face is anything but. In other words: everything looks good but her face. Banned in Hollywood is garnering some attention for their recent list of internet butterfaces, and Complex and Gunaxin have a couple of curated lists as well, though Gunaxin's list seems to be a product of personal taste (Uma Thurman has an ugly mug?). Obviously, an exploration of this concept proves that these lists are simply a matter of taste, with people grouping Leonardo DiCaprio and Penelope Cruz in the category. Beauty should remain in the eye of the beholder, but forum addicts, commenters and personal blogs all try to gain some consensus, debating who should reign supreme as the unfairest face of them all. Although none can agree on one, there are several that seem to top every butterface list.

Scandal! Duplicity! Maybe-sex! Really all we're missing is a raving Cathy Moriarty from this super-secret tête-à-tête that paparazzi sustenance Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston conducted at the Essex House Hotel. And while details range from few to none, an insider -- quite possibly Iran's President Ahmadinejad, as he was dissed by the hotel a while ago -- noted that the rendezvous lasted an hour and that "She arrived at his hotel suite a matter of hours after they had spoken. Brad was unloading his emotional baggage on Jen, which isn't exactly fair considering their history." Apparently Aniston also wants no part in Brad's split from Angelina. These details are more than enough intel to determine just what possible talking points were inside the Essex on that fateful night.

● Rumor has it Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will finally confirm their relationship in December’s Harper’s Bazaar. Which might explain why the pair were seen tooling around in a Volvo. [PopCrunch, RadarOnline]
● Jessica Alba thinks her kid is better than yours! Alba’s one-year-old, Honor, is already bilingual ... sort of: “She says gato for cat, but dog is dog." [People]
● During the making of The Bounty Hunter, Jennifer Aniston had to excuse herself from a love scene with Gerard Butler because it reminded her too much of Brad. Somewhere in the South of France, Angelina Jolie is laughing. [Celebedge]

● Tim Gunn says the board of directors at Ungaro must have been "smoking crack" when they appointed Lindsay Lohan as "artistic advisor" to the multimillion-dollar company. [NYMag]
● Supermodel Claudia Schiffer won’t fall prey to the botox trend, saying she would rather age gracefully then inject that "poison" into her face. [DigitalSpy]
● Despite being called "Hitler" by Megan Fox, Michael Bay came to her defense after crew members mocked Fox in an open letter defending the director; Bay says it’s all part of Fox’s "crazy charm." [ContactMusic]

● Maybe the plethora of "Lonely Jen" stories stem from the fact that Jennifer Aniston hates to date; she says dating “sucks,” she doesn’t “understand it,” and the experience is just “bizarre.” [JustJared]
● Saturday Night Live has dumped Casey Wilson from the cast, reportedly because she refused to drop 1 pound of the 30 the show demanded she lose over summer break. [E!]
● Megan Fox says that, unlike other Hollywood bimbos, you’ll (sadly) never see her naked in a leaked sex tape. Fox says one glance at herself naked would ensure she’d never have sex again. [Us]

● Demi Moore will take a break from working out and being Mrs. Ashton Kutcher to guest-star on her husband's new show The Beautiful Life. [DailyMail]
● Megan Fox reveals in Cosmo that the one missed role she wishes she’d said yes to was the Hannah Montana movie. [JustJared]
● Matt Damon will accept the American Cinematheque Lifetime Achievement Award at the ripe old age of 39. [ContactMusic]

● Karma is a bitch and will evict your ass, which may be why Isaiah Washington is about to be kicked out of his Venice home for more than $100K in back rent. [USAToday]
● Could Kristen Stewart be such a method actress that she’s confusing her character’s love for Edward as her feelings for Robert Pattinson? [OKMag]
● Move over Angelina -- Jen Aniston has found a new person to smolder over. Aniston is worried that Tina Fey is going to steal her thunder at the Emmys, as Fey’s Sarah Palin spoof trumps Aniston’s stint on 30 Rock. [Radar]

The tightrope walk from series television to feature films is often a slippery one. Linger too long on one end and you'll end up like Debra Messing, resembling the poor man's much-older Katherine Heigl -- a sad, sad spinster eternally saddled with romantic failures and enough neuroses to be institutionalized. On the flip side, maybe Julia Louis-Dreyfuss has done the smart thing by embracing another TV vehicle that forces her (ironically or otherwise) to embrace the concept of not-youth. And it's here that the further foibles of the Friends ladies -- which at once conflate Messing's desperate youth with Louis-Dreyfuss' self-awareness while keeping our eyes peeled more than any Friends flick could -- may be exclusively hit-or-miss.

“It’s always better to beg forgiveness than ask for permission,” Gerard Butler said of his relationship with The Bounty co-star Jennifer Aniston last Friday at the Bullrun (pretty much the most glamorous of car rallies) kickoff party held at Soho House. Okay, so he didn't say that about Aniston, he said that about something else entirely, but with the media speculation that Aniston is doing it with yet another male costar, we may as well attribute that quote to some secret or subconscious desire, because in a few short hours, that is exactly what the entire bloggy sewing circle will be gossiping about, anyways. I mean, Aniston's contract states that she “Must have sex with hunky co-star more than once, preferably while dressed as medieval Spaniards,” so it's not a stretch. And since some source told Star that Jennifer "says Gerard’s a great kisser" (!!!), the fact that Gerard refused to skip a day of filming with his lady love last week in favor of racing to Pittsburgh for the first leg of Bullrun is starting to make so much more sense. Cutting to the chase, we decided to ask Butler directly. About Bullrun, that is.