While discussion of hazing may bring to mind images of drunken fraternity boys dousing each other in warm liquor, forcing their underlings to attend social events in degrading costumes, performing weird homo-erotic hell week rituals and drinking beer for breakfast, it turns out, chicks are into hazing as well. The Rutgers chapter of Sigma Gamma Rho sorority recruited a few too many bullies in recent years and these unrefined broads unleashed their hostility on this year’s pledge class. One victim of the abuse claims that she was paddled 201 times by her ‘sisters’. Others were supposedly kept from eating; perhaps prepping for a session of that age-old sorority bonding practice, Circle the Fat. Now that it's public and we know young women are taking part in these dreadful shenanigans, here are some ladies we would not want to be hazed by.

Jessica Simpson has (A) pissed off domestication-desiring women of the world by screwing up a marriage with Nick Lachey, who was the recipient of widespread public empathy after two seasons of MTV's Newlyweds, (B) pissed off Dallas Cowboys fans after many speculated that her presence at Cowboys' games in a pink jersey sullied her boyfriend -- Cowboys quarterback Tono Romo -- and thus, Dallas' shot at a championship, (C) pissed off everyone by encouraging John Mayer to be John Mayer simply by dating him. There are few things someone like Jessica Simpson could do to get in our good graces. Really, one thing. And one thing only: farting. And not just farting, but farting in an inappropriate place, at an inappropriate time. Which she did.

Just a few days after news broke that Jessica Simpson is aspiring to, of all things, design her own jewelry line complete with wedding rings, images of her new swim suit collection have dropped. The line is a collaboration with designer Red Carter and includes bikinis with triangle tops and plenty of embellishment (think: frills and colorful prints); put simply, it's exactly what you would expect from Simpson. And, apparently the collection is the result of a family affair: "My mom is also a huge part of the line," Simpson says. "We love working together from inspiration to final product -- we touch each and every item."

At any other moment inTiger Woods' life, we would write off Jessica Simpson's link to links legend Tiger Woods, but now? There will be no writing off. This is really terrible timing for a Woods-Simpson hook-up, considering how well she's been getting along with Billy Corgan, which is probably why Simpson hasn't wasted a minuteshooting off a nasty letter to Star Magazine, whose latest issue claims that a then-Tony Romo-dating Jessica flirted heavily with Woods.

Okay, so this thing about a third-rate pop singer and one of the '90s pioneering alt-rockers playing footsie under the table. It's true? We're running with it? We're going with the vague notion that if given the chance, these two will rent an Escalade and drive it up to the cabin, and engage in something resembling sex for a weekend? That after an awkward series of nasal grunts and warbling bellows, they'll drive back to the Hills, glowing, and attend the red carpet premiere of Transformers 4 or whatever and we'll have to buy it? Nope. Not happening. But not because the thought of their sex organs touching seems so...physically impossible. Rather, because the pair have admitted to taking the slow-track.

Tiger Woods may be up to his putter in a mistress scandal, but what's most disturbing about this particular case of martial infidelity is that Tiger's wife is a ridiculously attractive Nordic supermodel. Despite this fact, the man still found it necessary to cheat with strange picked up at various bars across the country. Sure, some of the girls in question aren't too shabby either, but was it really worth it? Now, no one here is advocating cheating on wives or significant others, but if you are a celebrity and you do decide to cheat, at least shoot for an upgrade. For example!

● What do Jason Segel, Lindsay Lohan, and a Dracula muppet have in common? They all had a sleepover this weekend at Segel’s Los Angeles pad. [CelebGossip]
● After John Mayer and Tony Romo, has Jessica Simpson moved on to Billy Corgan? [OkMag]
● Sean Penn and Milk costar Josh Brolin were seen making up for their lost college years by playing a little grab-ass for the paparazzi over the weekend. [FadedYouth]

Crude header for an even cruder bit of oversharing, I suppose. However, at least Jeremy Piven's not alone! Recently, Patron Saint of Everything Amazing Dolly Parton tweeted about the ginormity of her breasts, "Aahhh chiropractor ... Hurts so good :-) you lug these around and see if your back don't hurt!" And you know who took a break from tearing the CW a new one (sheesh, the netlet's down on its luck, isn't it?) to agree with ol' Dolly? Her new BFF Jessica Simpson!

● Heather Locklear proves she’s still Queen B by getting Ashlee Simpson fired from the new Melrose Place. Evidently Locklear saw through her “wanna-be diva” ways, oh and “her lack of talent didn’t help” either. [PopCrunch]
● Jessica Simpson is looking for one of those intellectual boys because she can “bore out pretty easily.” [Us]
● You can’t say Nadya Suleman doesn’t have a sense of humor; the octo-mom dressed up as a pregnant nun accompanied by her octuplets dressed as little devils. [TheSun]

Hey Jessica, overshare! Even the most down-on-our-luck among us never actually 'fess up to online dating. You know who may openly admit to online dating, but even they might not come off so desperate? Lepers. Do you have a granulomatous disease of the peripheral nerves and mucosa of the upper respiratory tract, Jessica Simpson? I didn't think so. Although you did date John Mayer and that may have been comparable. Also, I know this dead dog business is taking a toll your psyche. Even as I type, it's making you think that the time you pretty openly ripped off John Mellencamp, you did the world a favor. You didn't, Jessica. You didn't.