Word has it that Johnny Depp will be helming a documentary about virtually indestructible Rolling Stones guitar player Keith Richards. In and of itself, this isn’t terribly surprising, as Depp and Richards’ mutual affinity is well known. After the first Pirates of the Caribbean installment, Depp admitted that the lion’s share of the inspiration for Captain Jack Sparrow came from the legendary axe-man, and by the third installment Richards was appearing in the franchise as Depp’s piratical pappy. What is surprising about the announcement is that Depp has the audacity to consider directing again. He’s only tried his hand at it once before, with 1997’s The Brave, and the results were, very, very mixed.

Johnny Depp is the sexiest man on the planet, says GQ. The men's style magazine has anointed the Paris-dwelling, press-shy actor with the highly-acclaimed title of the most 'stylish' man in the world. Also included in the round-up: Russell Brand, David Beckham, Pharrell Williams, Cristiano Ronaldo, Tom Brady, Lapo Elkann and Andre Benjamin (the most sensible name mentioned). Now, obviously Depp is one of the most beautiful men working in Hollywood today, but that's not to say he's the best dressed. Call me a sucker for the Cloon any day of the week, but, seriously, not even a mention of the salt and pepper star?

● Madonna came dangerously close to ruining George Clooney’s acting career when the two went on a date shortly after her divorce. Thankfully Madonna tried to be funny and the date quickly went south. [Showbizspy]
● San Diego would like Lady Gaga to know they aren’t San Jose: she referred to her San Diego crowd as San Jose a whopping eight times during a recent concert. [NBC]
● Sarah Jessica Parker continues to dismantle her Über chic Carrie Bradshaw persona by devoting her new fragrance to body odor and saying that B.O. is “sexy.” [DigitalSpy]

There are two things director Tim Burton seems to have given up on: making films based on his own material (Edward Scissorhands, Beetle Juice), and making films without Johnny Depp (Big Fish, Planet of the Apes). No one ever grieves over the latter trend, but damn it’d great if he were to take another crack at an original story. Although it seems unjust to disparage the lion’s share of Burton’s oeuvre, I’ve never felt his adaptations quite measured up to the earlier, self-conceived works -- though perhaps an exception could be made for Ed Wood. In any case, I’ve been crossing my fingers for years now in the hopes of something homegrown, but it looks like I won’t be getting my wish anytime soon. At a Friday press conference for the forthcoming The Young Victoria, producer Graham King made the announcement that the next Depp-Burton collaboration would, as previously rumored, be an adaptation of the 60’s gothic soap Dark Shadows. Yay?

• So in news regarding the finest non-Lady Gaga-related moment to happen in music this week, Solange is encouraging everyone to pirate her well-done do-over of The Dirty Projectors' "Stillness Is the Move" after Universal keeps taking down free downloads of the cover across the web. To that end, here's a great place to start. [Jezebel]
• Barf bags at the ready please: Jon Gosselin may or may not have filmed a sex tape wherein he does a couple bumps. His flack is devastated that us gossip folks are running with this rumor. He'd be devastated to know that most of us would run with rumors of J.Goss turning out to be swine flu patient zero, too. [Us]
• While on the topic of crowdsourced pornography: Carrie Prejean's total swag count now includes eight sex tapes and 30 photographs. You'll remember that some fraction of this entire package was being shopped around for $100,000 earlier this year. [New York Daily News]
• Having humbled everyone from Kanye West to country stalwart Wynonna Judd, Swift has the entire world rolling around in her palms. Her next conquest: A quick cash-in on vampires via a potential stint on Vampire Diaries [Digital Spy]

● Kristin Cavallari is the new star of The Hills, and she didn’t come cheap. KC is paid $100K an episode for being herself, just like Audrina, Lo, and Heidi. Thankfully they get Spencer at a discount, as he only gets $65K an ep. [JustJared]
● With one sister pregnant and another just married, what's Kim Kardashian to do to get some attention? Getting back with ex Reggie Bush is a good start. [People]
● Courtney Love has had quite a few brushes with death; in one particular incident she was saved by none other than Johnny Depp, who gave her CPR. Laments Love, “Motherfucker, I never had myself any JD except CPR.” [DigitalSpy]

● Paris Hilton tries to remain relevant by gushing about former/current BFF Nicole Richie’s new son, calling Sparrow “a perfect addition to the family.” [Us]
● Friends of Jessica Simpson worry the singer (?)/actress (?) is about to go all Sylvia Plath and fall into the bell jar now that her "baby" Daisy was mauled by a coyote. [People]
● Jason Segal and Chloë Sevigny are bumping uglies -- the TV duo were spotted making out at an after-Emmy party, but quickly de-locked their lips once noticed by the masses. [E!]

● Amy Winehouse’s father Mitch pretended he had a terminal illness last year to scare his daughter out of her drug addiction. Suffice to say, it didn’t work. [Yahoo]
● Kourtney Kardashian regrets getting breast implants at the age of 22, saying if she had researched the body-alerting decision, she would have never gotten them. [PopCrunch]
● Lauren Conrad wants her best-selling book, L.A. Candy, to become a movie in the ultimate art imitating life imitating art, as the book is a fictionalized version of LC’s TV persona. [MTV]

● Fox has decided not to air the Family Guy episode centering on abortion, ‘cause as Seth McFarlane puts it, the network was "scared to fucking death" of the reaction it might incur. [AOL]
● Johnny Depp hid from rabid fans at Comic Con by channeling his inner furry and walking around the convention in a full squirrel costume. His only problem: he was still wearing his official nametag. [DeppAddicted]
● Jon Gosselin has his New York bachelor pad, and now Kate Gosselin has her own bachelorette pad in Maryland, where coincidently her bodyguard Steve Neild lives. [JustJared]

The first teaser for Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland is finally here, and I've said it before, and I'll say it again--this is Johnny Depp's audition tape for the next Batman movie. Comparisons with another ghoulish Depp/Burton collaboration are inevitable, but the likeness Depp's Mad Hatter shares with Jim Carrey's lightweight portrayal of The Riddler in Batman Forever is uncanny. Add some genuine menace into that act (because he already looks scary as hell), and you've got your next Batman villain. For Christopher Nolan, I believe you can find the contact info for Mr. Depp's agent here.