• So in news regarding the finest non-Lady Gaga-related moment to happen in music this week, Solange is encouraging everyone to pirate her well-done do-over of The Dirty Projectors' "Stillness Is the Move" after Universal keeps taking down free downloads of the cover across the web. To that end, here's a great place to start. [Jezebel]
• Barf bags at the ready please: Jon Gosselin may or may not have filmed a sex tape wherein he does a couple bumps. His flack is devastated that us gossip folks are running with this rumor. He'd be devastated to know that most of us would run with rumors of J.Goss turning out to be swine flu patient zero, too. [Us]
• While on the topic of crowdsourced pornography: Carrie Prejean's total swag count now includes eight sex tapes and 30 photographs. You'll remember that some fraction of this entire package was being shopped around for $100,000 earlier this year. [New York Daily News]
• Having humbled everyone from Kanye West to country stalwart Wynonna Judd, Swift has the entire world rolling around in her palms. Her next conquest: A quick cash-in on vampires via a potential stint on Vampire Diaries [Digital Spy]

● Kristin Cavallari is the new star of The Hills, and she didn’t come cheap. KC is paid $100K an episode for being herself, just like Audrina, Lo, and Heidi. Thankfully they get Spencer at a discount, as he only gets $65K an ep. [JustJared]
● With one sister pregnant and another just married, what's Kim Kardashian to do to get some attention? Getting back with ex Reggie Bush is a good start. [People]
● Courtney Love has had quite a few brushes with death; in one particular incident she was saved by none other than Johnny Depp, who gave her CPR. Laments Love, “Motherfucker, I never had myself any JD except CPR.” [DigitalSpy]

● Paris Hilton tries to remain relevant by gushing about former/current BFF Nicole Richie’s new son, calling Sparrow “a perfect addition to the family.” [Us]
● Friends of Jessica Simpson worry the singer (?)/actress (?) is about to go all Sylvia Plath and fall into the bell jar now that her "baby" Daisy was mauled by a coyote. [People]
● Jason Segal and Chloë Sevigny are bumping uglies -- the TV duo were spotted making out at an after-Emmy party, but quickly de-locked their lips once noticed by the masses. [E!]

● Amy Winehouse’s father Mitch pretended he had a terminal illness last year to scare his daughter out of her drug addiction. Suffice to say, it didn’t work. [Yahoo]
● Kourtney Kardashian regrets getting breast implants at the age of 22, saying if she had researched the body-alerting decision, she would have never gotten them. [PopCrunch]
● Lauren Conrad wants her best-selling book, L.A. Candy, to become a movie in the ultimate art imitating life imitating art, as the book is a fictionalized version of LC’s TV persona. [MTV]

● Fox has decided not to air the Family Guy episode centering on abortion, ‘cause as Seth McFarlane puts it, the network was "scared to fucking death" of the reaction it might incur. [AOL]
● Johnny Depp hid from rabid fans at Comic Con by channeling his inner furry and walking around the convention in a full squirrel costume. His only problem: he was still wearing his official nametag. [DeppAddicted]
● Jon Gosselin has his New York bachelor pad, and now Kate Gosselin has her own bachelorette pad in Maryland, where coincidently her bodyguard Steve Neild lives. [JustJared]

The first teaser for Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland is finally here, and I've said it before, and I'll say it again--this is Johnny Depp's audition tape for the next Batman movie. Comparisons with another ghoulish Depp/Burton collaboration are inevitable, but the likeness Depp's Mad Hatter shares with Jim Carrey's lightweight portrayal of The Riddler in Batman Forever is uncanny. Add some genuine menace into that act (because he already looks scary as hell), and you've got your next Batman villain. For Christopher Nolan, I believe you can find the contact info for Mr. Depp's agent here.

● Add Kim Kardashian to the list of those who have a girl crush on Megan Fox. [PopCrunch]
● Speaking of Fox, is there a good tattoo artist out there who’s also fan? ‘Cause she’s looking to get some ink! Have your people call her people. [E!]
● Johnny Depp says he’s eager to reprise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow; the actor hopes the Pirates series becomes like a “Beckett play” and could see his character in a “geisha clothing.” [DigitalSpy]

I know I'm a day late on this, but it literally took me all night to find my Eureka! moment in dissecting the Johnny Depp-as-Mad Hatter photo released yesterday as part of the first promotional push for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland movie. Are you ready for it?

Are you still holding onto that list of possible Batman replacements? Superb. Because we just may need to consult it, as Christian Bale stated that if Chris Nolan doesn't come back to direct the next installment of the superhero saga, then he won't return to star in it -- although the airtight legalese in his contract negotiations mandates it. But even if Nolan does back out, the franchise has a willing and able villain in Johnny Depp, who is interested in stepping in as the Riddler, a role previously occupied by Jim Carrey and initially by a guy that more recently played a character named Reverend Love on General Hospital.

●Spike Jonze scaring the crap out of some kid while wearing a ‘wild thing’ mask under the guise of a ‘focus group’ for his much anticipated adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. [FilmDrunk]
●Spencer Pratt has taken to bribing to get people to buy new wife’s Heidi Montag’s music. He promises 100 pizzas for every unfortunate person who downloads her songs 100 times. [Popcrunch]
●Johnny Depp is being considered to play ‘Ol Blue Eyes’ himself in Martin Scorsese’s Frank Sinatra biopic. [LAT]