A wretchedly campy thing trending overseas is Jedward. As Americans, we tend to be suspicious of kitschy gimmicks burgeoning abroad. Maybe too many of us still feel burned by past instances of British kistch. Beats me! It's an instinct that the latest act to spiral into international prominence through X-Factor--Britain's answer to American Idol--will pummel through, eventually garnering anywhere between one and three top ten hits here in a quiet time when Beyoncé and Gaga are both enjoying much-needed sabbaticals. If only because X-Factor alum Leona Lewis has fared so well on both sides of the Atlantic. According to Wikipedia, "are an Irish music act. Known for their distinctive blonde hairstyles and unique performances." A unique performance that doesn't necessarily stir SiCo's loins like Leona could. Comprised of people named John and Edward and totally unrelated to our 2004 Democratic VP candidiate, they've won praise from Jay-Z mentee Cheryl Cole and are finding fast fans in Susan Boyle and The Jonas Brothers. They're already tipped to win the talent show.

Speaking of Western sexy performances! Shakira too has been multitasking, but not in the way most busy business ladies usually are, what with their face-lifts, Shiatsu massages, and fish pedicures. In fact Shakira's been busy going to college, where she probably learned about the magic of file sharing. And somewhere in there was a mixer at the TriKap house involving choosing your favorite JoBros.

Chester French is not a man. In fact, it’s D.A. Wallach and Maxwell Drummey, two Harvard grads who didn’t really have a plan. On the eve of their much-anticipated release of their much-hyped debut album, we got them to dish on everything from Facebook and fellow Harvard grad Mark Zuckerberg, to safe sex and bigger condoms, biddies, divorce and the JoBros. The duo also explains why they felt the need to create a personal VIP concierge service, and how Lady Gaga is going to "cream everyone over" on their upcoming tour with her. Scholarly young gentlemen, take it away.

I don't get the Jonas Brothers, and I don't know too much about them other than (a) teenage girls regularly freak out over them, (b) they wear chastity rings or something like chastity rings, (c) down to the kind of Charmin they use to wipe their asses, their lives are actively controlled by Disney shareholders, and (d) they make me feel -- at the relatively ripe age of 24 -- so, so old. Yes, I'll admit it: I'm bitter about both not understanding the Jonas Brothers and sometimes, not being a Jonas Brother. Well, now, at least I can dress like one.

If you're the Jonas Brothers, that fast-chatting mother from Gilmore Girls, or legendary pop iconoclast Britney Spears, my over-caffeinated heart goes out to you. This past weekend, America, in an act of vindictive retaliation against the high standards set by the winners of last weekend's Oscars, kicked you where it hurts: Your checking accounts. The biggest losers: Kevin, Joe, and Nick. Sure "flop" is kind of relative and perhaps an overstatement for the Jonases. But still, 3D glasses weren't able to help the Jonas Brothers meet the $15 million opening weekend that the Mouse House hung its hopes on, let alone the $25 million that other industry number-crunchers speculated. The trio of precocious heartthrobs were instead beaten to the top by Tyler Perry's umpteenth drag show, which is a sure bet for the 2010 Oscars, what with Perry and the Academy loving to play dress-up. Although having to look at empty seats in the house is a lot harder to bear when you're not just onscreen, but rather present in the flesh, singing (miming?) your heart out.

● If you encounter Joaquin Phoenix (who’s in his Andy Kauffman stage right now) he will ask you to sign a film release, because his brother-in-law Casey Affleck and film crew are documenting his demise/art project wherever he goes. [DailyNews]
● Drew Barrymore is either playing the field or just very friendly. Barrymore, who was linked to Jason Segal, was seen greeting Hugh Grant with a full on make-out session. Well, Hugh is European. [P6]
● According to sources, even Angelina Jolie is creeped out by octo-mom Nadya Suleman’s obsession with Jolie. [LATBlog]