You know, just the other day I was hoping that someone would satisfy my need for a highly styled coonskin cap. It's time the trademark topper of fashionistas like Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone got a design update and made a comeback. Imagine my excitement when just this morning I found out that the Kate Gosselin wig was available for purchase. The hair chunk is meant to complete your Jon and Kate Plus 8 Halloween costume, but it could do double time to give your '"slutty frontiersman" costume a fashionable update.

Taylor Swift sold out her first four U.S. tour dates tickets in two minutes. Two. Minutes. 120 seconds. I can't even pee in 120 seconds. But Taylor Swift, transcending the boundaries of "country," "girl rock," and "pop rock," is a triple-threat teen who's managed to generate more revenue in 120 seconds than I will over the Entirety. Of. My. Existence. There are four reasons this has happened. Let us explain:

Are you sure they made Where The Wild Things Are? for kids? If you're steadfast on this, consider director Spike Jonze's collaboration with Kanye West, a short film called "We Were Once a Fairytale." It stars Kanye West playing himself. And you can take a wild guess what that might be like under the direction of Spike Jonze: a movie about a complete asshole pop star having the strangest night of his life. Which is what it is. It's Kanye West hearing his own song in a club, asking other people what they think of it. And then other things happen, which ... you shouldn't have ruined for you. You need to watch this thing.

Who better to sample fermented grapes at Gordon’s, London’s oldest wine bar, than the man behind Straight No Chaser? Raise a glass to musician Mr Hudson, Kanye’s newest protégé. Ben Hudson, the Birmingham-born frontman for Mr Hudson, has earned the right to relax with a glass (or eight) of wine. In the past year, he appeared on Jay-Z and Kanye West’s latest records, traveled the world as part of West’s crew (“He’s like the Kofi Annan of pop,” Hudson says of his friend and mentor) and saw his smash single -- the glorious, West-assisted “Supernova” -- climb to the top of the U.K. charts. Still, Hudson isn’t yet ready to toast his good fortune. “As an Englishman,” he says, “I’m allergic to bombast. It’s up to the people at home to decide if I’ll be playing at Wembley in 10 years, or if I’ll be back on the dole.”

Midday yesterday, looks from Kanye West's much-anticipated clothing line Pastelle started dropping. Considering the hype surrounding West's sartorial endeavors (from customizing sneakers for Louis Vuitton to interning and working alongside Patrick Robinson at GAP), not to mention the fact that the rapper has been extraordinarily outspoken about his interest in design, one would think the clothes would have come out with a bit more of a marketing or pr push. But within hours, it became clear why Pastelle's launch was little more than a whisper: the line will never actually come out.

● Caring father Michael Lohan vows to get Lindsay off those prescription drugs she’s been taking, so her acting career can finally get back on track. [Radar]
● Speaking of hot mess Lohans, Frances Bean Cobain has written an open letter to Ali Lohan urging her to “work her ass off,” ‘cause Lohan’s “idea of fame isn’t fame.” [Twitter]
● Jenny McCarthy is looking forward to dating “Curly,” as boyfriend Jim Carrey is in the midst of gaining 40 pounds to play him in the upcoming Three Stooges film. [Yahoo]

Out Lady of the Immaculate Penis, Lady Gaga: tell us what to think about Kanye West. You recently canceled an engagement with him due to "artistic differences." But why? Luckily, Gags gave everyone a collective sigh of relief -- and also helped further our "One-Cocked Lady on the Sassy Knoll" theory -- when she finally gave the world her moral pronouncement on Kanye West, making the situation slightly more clear than it was yesterday. The verdict?

● It’s not April Fool's Day, so I have to assume that James Franco joining the cast of General Hospital is not a joke. [EW]
● There might be a Ramones bio-pic in the works based on the upcoming memoir I Slept With Joey Ramone, written by Joey’s brother. And here’s five reasons why this movie shouldn’t be made. [Billboard, Spin]
● Lady Gaga and Kanye West have cancelled their “Fame Kills” tour, presumably because they took the title of their tour to heart. [AP]

● Paris Hilton tries to remain relevant by gushing about former/current BFF Nicole Richie’s new son, calling Sparrow “a perfect addition to the family.” [Us]
● Friends of Jessica Simpson worry the singer (?)/actress (?) is about to go all Sylvia Plath and fall into the bell jar now that her "baby" Daisy was mauled by a coyote. [People]
● Jason Segal and Chloë Sevigny are bumping uglies -- the TV duo were spotted making out at an after-Emmy party, but quickly de-locked their lips once noticed by the masses. [E!]

You may recall Taylor Swift being accosted by Kanye West at some thing that happened so long ago that most of us are hard-pressed to remember its origins. You may also recall that West couldn't be bothered with such social nuances as courtesy and common decency. But it seems that such concepts are finally coming into the rapper's eye-level. And he's now so remorseful that he's going to take a break from music to reflect. Full-disclosure before further details: I nearly typed "Kanye Waste," as Pink offered a similar descriptor for the rapper this morning on Today.