What happens when two of the world's most annoying personalities meet? They fall deeply, annoyingly in love of course! In a move that will doubtlessly disappoint many hoping to hatefuck one or both of them, English comedian Russell Brand has popped the question to singer Katy Perry after just four months of dating, while the pair was "on holiday" in India at a hotel that looks like a palace. Of course, given the pair involved, they got engaged in the most annoying way possible!

● Kanye West plans to be on the good karma train in 2010 so he and fem-bot girlfriend Amber Rose got a head start over the holiday weekend by serving lunch to the homeless. [DigitalSpy]
● Madonna is moving on from her British prim and proper mom persona and will now take on the role of eccentric Hamptons cougar, having just bought Calvin Klein’s ex-wife’s horse ranch. [AngryApe]
● Don’t tell anyone but Katy Perry and Russell Brand are secretly engaged. Oh wait. [OK]

Sometimes I, as a hapless friar navigating the sinful wilderness of celebrity gossip, come upon a bit of news so repugnant that I find the best way around it is to merely roll it away with a large peach tree branch. So it's with with trepidation that I deal with news of the Russell Brand-boinking Katy Perry rejecting rumors that she recently had a kiss-and-cry with R-Patz. Why would Perry be so quick to distance herself from Pattinson? The last time Perry was remotely useful was when Taylor Swift almost saw her career grind to a halt by a stupid scandal at her birthday party.

● Hell hath no fury like Kitson scorned. The painfully hip Los Angeles store is wielding their retail power over Lindsay Lohan after she demanded $15,000 worth of free clothing for being such a "good customer." The store is deeply “offended” and owners are thinking of dropping Lohan's leggings line. [FoxNews]
● Katy Perry’s parents don’t have much faith for her relationship with Russell Brand in the long run. Her father has said, "I have met Russell, I'm not thinking he's the guy who will be her husband, but he's a nice guy." [MrPaparazzi]
● Rihanna may or may not want her next boyfriend to be good in bed and have a sizeable "umbrella" of his own, but she certainly didn’t say that during an interview with German magazine Bravo. [GossipCop]

And so Swiftika rages on! A few days ago, photographs from Katy Perry's 25th birthday party emerged. And country darling Taylor Swift promptly found herself at the center of a potential backlash that Kanye West knows too well. Although what happened was just a series of unfortunate events. Swift was at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong way-too-ironic hipstery douchewibbler doing the Macarena near her. Then things went quiet. And TMZ, a little late to the game, picked up on the story, which then set off a wildfire. Funny how Hollywood cannibalizes itself! And while a bloody showbiz tempest is fun and all, perhaps it's time to back away from this picked-clean carcass. Fix your mandibles on the ever-easy Heidi Montag; she wants to be Kate effing Gosselin for Halloween. She's showbiz prey we can all guilt-lessly tear into.

Last weekend, Katy Perry rang in her 25th birthday with a party wherein celebrities showed up donning white and chucked paint on one another. Which, as far as parties where colorful staining occurs, is probably better than inviting a throng of your closest friends over, accidentally spilling wine all over their finery, and then spending the better part of the next day convincing them that it was a paint party. But Katy Perry's party also sets the stage for a Taylor Swift backlash. Tragic that! Especially considering just how just yesterday, we were remarking on how her unique take on smizing is an approach more beleaguered starlets could replicate in order to save their careers. But after her career sinks, there will always be a place for Swift in Dollywood, serving up chicken nuggets, root beer floats, and singing a Fine Young Cannibals covers.

● Katy Perry takes time away from new BF Russell Brand to talk to her fashion BFF Karl Lagerfeld about music. Uncle Karl dishes that Perry’s rival Lily Allen and her song ‘It’s not me, It’s you’ best describes him as a person. [Elle]
● The ladies of Nine appear frozen and very badly photo-shopped together on the cover of the new Vogue, maybe that’s why their film is being pushed back until December. [JustJared, Rope of Silicon]
● Jon Gosselin brought a misspelled cake to his twin daughter’s birthday party. As it turns out an entertainment show phoned the order in and misspelled daughter Mady’s name as Maddy. [People]

While the tabloid press is buzzing about the best job ever -- Katy Perry’s personal boob wrangler -- we’re wondering who designed that futuristic hot pink dress. There’s something about the cut and space-age design that is so familiar. Recent images of Lady Gaga, MIA, and Ciara come to mind. As do The Teaches of Peaches. So what LA designer separates Katy Perry from her boob adjuster?

Since Paula Abdul's principled exit from American Idol, producers have been trotting out a lunch buffet of guest judges whose claims to either the "American" or "Idol" parts of American Idol are dubious at best. Apart from Mary J. Blige (who is probably as close to an American idol as the show's revolving door of judges will ever get), some of these judges seem a little shaky, like Victoria Beckham and Broadway favorites Neil Patrick Harris and Kristin Chenoweth. But because we forgive their un-Idolicious standing because they're awesome. And the others, well ... they're frankly just not as awesome. Like the previously announced Joe Jonas, who is probably the least qualified for this gig. This means that even though their claims to fame are as rooted in novelty as Beckham's, there's little reason for them to be dispensing advice to aspiring pop stars when they themselves have become dusty casualties of the music industry -- and all who have become significantly eclipsed by past Idol winners like Kelly Clarkson and Jordin Sparks.

● Actors like Denzel Washington, Julia Roberts, and Steve Carell in the exclusive $20 million club have had to swallow their pride recently and take pay cuts in order to act in Hollywood films. [StudioBriefing]
● After years of frying and dyeing her hair, Lindsay Lohan may be going bald; but knowing Lohan, if that’s the case, she’ll start her own line of wigs. [Showbizspy]
● Nancy Meyers has unveiled the trailer to her new romantic comedy It’s Complicated. As always it’s about a zany older woman (Meryl Streep) having an affair with her ex-husband (Alec Baldwin) while juggling a relationship with her equally zany architect (Steve Martin). [Apple]