● Rumor has it Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will finally confirm their relationship in December’s Harper’s Bazaar. Which might explain why the pair were seen tooling around in a Volvo. [PopCrunch, RadarOnline]
● Jessica Alba thinks her kid is better than yours! Alba’s one-year-old, Honor, is already bilingual ... sort of: “She says gato for cat, but dog is dog." [People]
● During the making of The Bounty Hunter, Jennifer Aniston had to excuse herself from a love scene with Gerard Butler because it reminded her too much of Brad. Somewhere in the South of France, Angelina Jolie is laughing. [Celebedge]

● Karma is a bitch and will evict your ass, which may be why Isaiah Washington is about to be kicked out of his Venice home for more than $100K in back rent. [USAToday]
● Could Kristen Stewart be such a method actress that she’s confusing her character’s love for Edward as her feelings for Robert Pattinson? [OKMag]
● Move over Angelina -- Jen Aniston has found a new person to smolder over. Aniston is worried that Tina Fey is going to steal her thunder at the Emmys, as Fey’s Sarah Palin spoof trumps Aniston’s stint on 30 Rock. [Radar]

● Upon accepting the Spike TV Guys Choice award from Mel Gibson, Brad Pitt greeted Gibson with an ode to his infamous arrest by uttering, “Thanks, Sugar Tits!” Also at the award show, Jamie Foxx got up close and very personal with Halle Berry, grabbing her bottom as she accepted an award. [SocialiteLife, JustJared]
● She tweeted about it the whole weekend, and now it’s confirmed: Kimora Lee Simmons welcomed a baby boy with boyfriend Djimon Hounsou. [People]
● Kristen Stewart not only took the honor of Best Female Performance at last night’s MTV Movie Awards, but also clinched the spot as the first person to accidentally knock the award off the podium. [MTV]

While us unworthy regular people do such silly things as scrape together cash for our monthly rents (or trick their friends into doing so) and otherwise teeter towards homelessness, even the most unfortunate celebrities don't have to consider such a cruel fate. This isn't to say that when the housing market went tits-up, the sun continued shining over celebrity enclaves. Because, as we learn after the break -- for every posh manse, there's a senseless eviction. And of course, heated floors.

When we suggested that the media "hype" behind Beatrice Inn "rival" and New York "hotspot" Chloe 81 peaked, we were so, so wrong. This cat has many more than nine lives, apparently. Because the Village Voice's Annie Fischer (of "Dirty Blonde" column fame) wrote a timeline about the hype (she called me a "writer," which was nice of her. Seriously! Hi, Annie!). And then The Observer wrote about the Voice's writing about the hype, in yet another media colonoscopy. And now I'm here, writing about people writing about people writing about the hype! And still, it's just another blog post about a club!

Recession schmession. At the Art Basel events in Miami, the champagne is still flowing like Fiji water. From the rumor that UBS would not tone down their annual dinner and gala -- even amid scandal speculation -- to the abundance of caviar on hors d'ouvre trays, it all smells like decadence to me. Cartier hosted a preview of “Diamonds, Gold and Dreams,” an approximately seven-minute film by David Lynch projected inside the Cartier Dome in the Miami Beach Botanical Gardens. The transfixing film features cascading diamonds and Cartier jewels on 180 degrees of ceiling projection with an equally mesmerizing score. It played once every hour, leaving partygoers hungry for more. The Dome, built specifically for this event and film, took two weeks to construct and will be disassembled directly after Basel.

Reader, If I could impart one piece of nightlife advice it would be the following. Don’t start off a night with a terrible hangover when the BVLGARI Diagono Watch Collection, and Rock & Republic “Summer at The Beatrice Inn” are on the itinerary. Furthermore, it’s best not to attend an event celebrating anything having more than two consecutive consonants in its name with said terrible hangover, espcially if it's being held at Frank Gehry’s sleek IAC Building. The elegance of it all will make you feel like the tuna tar-tar being passed around. Instead, don your best Proenza Schouler with the prior knowledge that you’ll be bumping into beautiful people like Sean Avery, Simon Spurr, and New York Jets center Nick Mangold, and that later at the Beatrice, you’ll be dancing with Kirsten Dunst, Sia, Emma Snowdon-Jones and May Anderson. A cautionary tale.