● Kristen Stewart refuses to answer questions about her relationship with Robert Pattinson because “There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. ‘Okay, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.'” [EW]
● Everyone’s favorite housewife of Atlanta, Kim Zolciak, says she’s a fan of Botox, but only because it helps her migraines, and she recommends it to everyone. [HuffingtonPost]
● Dancing with the Stars pro Cheryl Burke plans to take on the role of Roxie Hart in Chicago before Season 10 of the show. [People]

It's not terribly hush-hush that much of the Twilight franchise's tertiary cast is comprised of critical darlings. As such, Bryce Dallas Howard and Catalina Sandino Moreno recently came aboard the franchise. However, Nikki Reed has been biding her time as the vampire Rosalie Hale. Although she made one of her premiere dents in showbiz starring in the Oscar-nominated Thirteen alongside Evan Rachel Wood (who, curiously, plays a vampire on another popular soap these days.) So, in spite of all the K-Stew love, why is there so much hate for Reed?

Famed bottom-lip biter Kristen Stewart says there is some parallel poetry between the vampires of Twilight and the life of fame and riches that the movies' roles have brought about for their young stars. Which really is the sort of startling conclusion that would've helped the past couple generations of child stars age a lot more gracefully. Maybe Stewart's exceptional worldview is just part of a sea change for many young celebrities quickly learning to adapt to the ruthlessly fickle rhythms of celebrity culture. But she presents co-star Robert Pattinson's Edward Cullen as a bleak metaphor for celebrity. She says, "Edward is actually a really good parallel to fame."

While good news for the cast of Eclipse includes the end of filming, the comparatively horrible news for the core cast (basically R-Patz and K-Stew) includes news of New Moon's all-American mall tour! Yippee! On your way to Hot Topic or Lane Bryant (because R-Patz fans largely frequently only one of those two establishments and nowhere else, especially since the demise of record shops), you can high-five K-Stew, get hair-curling tips from R-Patz, and abuse the other cast members with who we're not (and never ever will be) on a first-letter-dash-abbreviated-last-name basis.

There really is no guaranteed secret to getting Robert Pattinson to fall head over heels for you (unless you figure out a way to become Kristen Stewart, zing!). No stalking map I can sell you explains how to get closer to him either. But you can deepen your obsession and enrich your fantasy date by getting the right Rob-appropriate look.

The plight of Jaycee Dugard is a tale wrought with thrills! drama! terror! suspense! terror! bravery! oh, the terror! Have a casual glimpse at the classy way newsfolks are handling the fact that she just went public with her story to People today and you'll see a level of wantonness that makes at least the obligatory Lifetime telefilm inevitable.

● Rumor has it Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will finally confirm their relationship in December’s Harper’s Bazaar. Which might explain why the pair were seen tooling around in a Volvo. [PopCrunch, RadarOnline]
● Jessica Alba thinks her kid is better than yours! Alba’s one-year-old, Honor, is already bilingual ... sort of: “She says gato for cat, but dog is dog." [People]
● During the making of The Bounty Hunter, Jennifer Aniston had to excuse herself from a love scene with Gerard Butler because it reminded her too much of Brad. Somewhere in the South of France, Angelina Jolie is laughing. [Celebedge]

● Karma is a bitch and will evict your ass, which may be why Isaiah Washington is about to be kicked out of his Venice home for more than $100K in back rent. [USAToday]
● Could Kristen Stewart be such a method actress that she’s confusing her character’s love for Edward as her feelings for Robert Pattinson? [OKMag]
● Move over Angelina -- Jen Aniston has found a new person to smolder over. Aniston is worried that Tina Fey is going to steal her thunder at the Emmys, as Fey’s Sarah Palin spoof trumps Aniston’s stint on 30 Rock. [Radar]

There always comes a soul-crushingly disappointing moment that tests every idol-fan relationship. With Molly Ringwald, it may have been this. With Robert Pattinson, it could very well be his increasingly discerning taste in women. However, when you're RPatz and you could bring the entire city of New York to its knees, you can afford to be picky with your bedfellows. But woe! Some of these ladies simply remain just outside his grasp not because he's not drawn to them, but because in order to tame them, he'd have to declaw them first. And say what you will about his bite, but the man's all bark.

● Drew Barrymore and Justin Long may or may not be together in real life, but in their new film Going the Distance, “they’ll be having sex every five pages.” [JustJared]
● Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush have broken it off. It wasn’t a case of cheating; rather the two were rarely in the same place at the same time. [US]
● Sam Trammell, who plays Sam Merlotte on True Blood, says although he hasn’t seen Twilight, he thinks Kristen Stewart should come on the show and be a "little vampire or victim." [DigitalSpy]