● Despite reports to the contrary by Perez Hilton, nine-year-old Noah Cyrus is not -- we repeat NOT -- designing a line of children's lingerie. But, yes, it is tragic that the internet considered this a possibility. [Fab Life]
● Lindsay Lohan spotted with "prescription drugs." Lindsay Lohan spotted with hair. Lindsay Lohan spotted with legs. [Daily Mail]
● Game time! Lady GaGa or a Figure Skater? [Celebuzz]

Dear Lady Gaga, I hope you're well. I hope you realize that without you, that little song-and-dance trip through What Was Popular In America Two-and-a-Half Years Ago would've been unbearable. And that if any of us were sitting there through the bitter end, it's because we thought that Grammy producers would've bribed you and Beyoncé into performing this collaboration or this one live. That would've made up for a host of increasingly terrible things to happen on-stage last night. Terrible things like Taylor Swift, that half-assed Michael Jackson tribute that conveniently cashed in on the green trend, the trying-too-hard hip-hop debacle of Drake and Eminem, Ke$ha looking like the She-Hulk standing next to Justin Bieber, the lack of any appearance by Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj, the many appearances of Taylor Swift, Dave Matthews, the Zac Efron Band Zach Brown Band, something about Haiti with Andrea Bocelli and Mary J. Blige, and of course, still more Taylor Swift. Yes Gaga, last night was tantamount to chasing shots of Lemon Georgi with 40s of Old English. But your loss to Taylor Swift in the Album of the Year category? There's a theory that proves it's quite consistent with the cynical nature of the Grammys, which stopped actually rewarding quite-nice music sometime ago.

Chances are, if you have two ears and a heart (to appropriate a classic 30 Rock line), you love yourself some Lady Gaga. The Lady's rise echoes the ascension of prior protean pop starlets (well, mostly Madonna), but is unique in how immediately she's been embraced by both low and highbrow types. Sure, young fashion misfits love Lady Gaga, but, surprisingly, so do the business and cultural elite. Examining the industry standard barometer for aristocratic obsession -- The New Yorker's Talk of The Town section -- you'll find that Gaga has already appeared twice in the past few months, less than two years after the release of her debut album. For comparison, Madonna didn't appear in the Talk of The Town until five years after her first album. So, who in the world hates Lady Gaga? To explore why someone might dislike The Lady, we've done a quick fan/hater dichotomy. The results are pretty revealing:

● Osama bin Laden chastises the US about climate change, Twitter starts to ROTFL and births new hashtag: “Bin Laden would have punched Snookie as well #nextOBLtape.” [Huff Po, Daily Intel]
● This person forgot to spell check ‘tradgedy’ before getting it tattooed on her chest. She’s not the only one. [Huff Po]
● Jewel thieves, take note: That super gaudy egg is not just some old lady tchotchke, it is a Fabergé and you should not throw it in the garbage. [NY Post]
● Pee Wee Herman plays with the iPad. [BWE]

So you've given out many nominations to some of the most terrible musicians out there and are now taking a long hard look at the night, pondering things such as "current-ness" and "cool factor." Oh Grammy, no. The most reasonable of us will likely forgo the bloated ceremony to do something more worthwhile, YouTubing select performances the day after. Perhaps the Grammys is trying to make at least one part of their shitshow must-see TV by getting Lady Gaga and Elton John to join forces for one night. The results could be utterly disastrous or totally brilliant.

Sure at some moment, like the early 20th century, people actually had a passing interest in showbiz awards. But these days, it's about drinking games and who fugged it worst; it's about running the clock; it's about the rare shock-and-awe moment that may or may not become part of history. Thankfully in these days of post-Gaga showmanship, everyone seems more willing to do kooky stunts and wear strange things--and some pull off such staged antics with aplomb while others come off way too contrived. Some even get drunk. All such pursuits may get us through what promises to be a beached whale of an Oscar telecast this year. Five brilliant award show appearances after the jump.

You have to hand it to Lady Gaga. After just one year in the spotlight, she's making us question everything we thought we knew about pants, life, and how much of your face you can cover and still be able to walk in hundred-inch platforms. "For me, it's everything coming together and being a real story that will bring back the super-fan," the Gags told MTV News. "I want the imagery to be so strong that fans will want to eat and taste and lick every part of us." Nobody's tried to take a bite of her yet (give them time), but a couple of fans have taken the message almost as literally and baked cookies in every Gagalicious flavor, from "bloody Christ-lady" to "spiky red head" to "mumu made of severed Kermit the Frog heads." "We tried to eat one and it just tasted like pure frosting," they wrote. Would Gaga have it any other way? After the jump, five more Lady Gaga fan tributes that have us in disco stitches.

• Sadness! Tina Fey will not be joining 30 Rock co-star Alec Baldwin and guest star Steve Martin as a third Oscar host. [E!]
• Lady Gaga and the rest of the world would appreciate it if you could refrain from cracking anymore of those silly hermaphrodite jokes. [Digital Spy]
• Dexter's Michael C. Hall says his SAG win has boosted his spirits. All together now: "Aww!" [People]

• Should Brad Pitt go all Tiger Woods on Angelina Jolie and a split becomes imminent, Jolie gets full custody of the kids. Their joint $330 million fortune will be split 50/50. [DListed]
• Kristen Stewart on her new stripper movie: "It's about understanding who you're playing and you have a responsibility because you feel like you can't let them down." [MTV]
• All because of Susan Boyle: The Scottish delicacy haggis could make a poignant comeback in the U.S. for the first time in 20 years. [The Press Association]

You may remember Zaldy Goco as the long-locked brunette designer who helped Gwen Stefani through the first few seasons of L.A.M.B. The downtown fixture--who has been working in the industry in some form or another for two decades--also sat at the helm of his own namesake line from 2002-2006; that is, before he took on the gig of being costume designer to the stars. "From Rufus Wainwright to RuPaul, Mary J. Blige to Jennifer Lopez, and Mick Jagger to the Scissor Sisters, Zaldy’s fashion-meets-music resume is impressive and diverse indeed," says Business of Fashion, which recently sat down with the photogenic designer for a two-part interview (here and here). But, arguably his greatest gigs to date have been working with the late Michael Jackson and Lady Gaga.