Casual one-woman Snow Patrol coverband Leona Lewis has reportedly turned down an offer to disrobe for Playboy to the tune of over $1.5 million. She was said to be flattered by the offer though, which is a gracious way of saying, "Seriously, creative directors of failing girlie mag? You're going to try to follow up Heidi effing Montag and an illustration with me, the one and only Leona Lewis? Excuse me while I bleed love all over you." Still, Lewis is committed to serving her manbase. So she's agreed to warble the theme to Final Fantasy XIII.

Yesterday, we knew nothing about Beyogaga and it was "Sol-Angel this!" and "Hadley St. Dreams that!" Then heads exploded as Solange gave The Dirty Projectors a slick makeover. In a vain bid to extend Solange's mission of fipster goodwill into a wave of good news for the superlative popstrel that'll still be relevant by the time next week rolls around, here's an obligatory trend piece! No, not one about rock-and-roll types legitimizing pop songs/"Single Ladies", rather the exact opposite. Because irony for irony's sake is so passé. With pop stars, it's about self-awareness as a device in furthering careers. It's about bringing music to the masses. It's about saving lives. Too far? Fine, fine. In any case, a round-up of some recent exemplary rock covers that pop stars have performed for some reason or another.

Pop singer Leona Lewis, whose soundbites have gotten substantially more interesting since that very unfortunate incident, has come on the record on the most important newsbeat to emerge this year: Twilight. She whispers, "I'm obsessed with the Twilight films." This in turn leads us to believe that in addition to marathoning the vampire franchise, an ideal night in for Lewis would also involve inviting best friend and former Sugababe Keisha Buchanan over to munch on Kinder Bueno bars, paint each other's toenails, and take the piss out of the celebrity-industrial complex.

Maybe it's most telling that Lindsay Lohan's star sign is Cancer. Because given failure after effing failure, there is something malignant about how lately, no matter how hard she tries, everything she touches is terminal. Take for example her part-time charge as couturiere for Ungaro, which ended in ill-placed pasties and bloodshed and her ensuing salary, the kind of payment that a fashion house might pay an intern for her troubles: a heap of tattered rags. And now, with LiLo's label dropping her, it seems her third album, Spirit in the Dark is doomed to stay, well, in the dark.

ZOMG. "Bleeding Love" is an incredible pop song about love and masochism. People who listen to too much pop music are masochists. Leona Lewis and her listeners might be masochists. Which doesn't explain the sadistic freak who attacked her in a London bookstore this evening.

World-famous love-hemorrhager Leona Lewis apparently has a new single out. Ironically, the single is called "Happy." And despite evoking the exact opposite feeling among people with ears, it still sounds like it would've made for an excellent Whitney Houston comeback single. Although it doesn't lend itself as freely to audience participation. The song itself is a nice, two-and-a-half out of five stars kind of pop affair. And she'll probably at least get Top 5 for a week or two Stateside before starting a sharp descent. So then, what exactly does the pop star have to worry about in terms of an impending sophomore slump?

Leona Lewis is like your most cherished carafe of bum wine. After a break-up, a firing, or a surprise eviction, there she is, ready to console you at day's end. Her lyrics are most generic, her voice is pretty indistinct. Still. A gulp from one of her airy, broadly-penned three-and-a-half minute pop romps makes you feel less terrible. What's that Leona? You keep bleeding love? Well I suppose your troubles with hemophilia at least put my own worries into perspective. Thanks! However, her newest single, "Don't Let Me Down" -- produced by Justin Timberlake and Timbaland -- is starting to trickle across the internet ahead of its Official Release Date. And SiCo's pissed. In fact, he's tapped the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry's anti-internet theft forces to source this leak and plug it.

There comes a time in every young pop star's life when, in order to be taken seriously, she must learn to date people who don't terminate relationships through text-messages. She must accept her fate as a purveyor of mediocrity and be content with her millions, while thanking the media overlords for not sullying her good name. For Simon Cowell side-project Leona Lewis, that time is now. And it's marked by that dubious rite of passage that most of us twenty-nothings will probably never experience: property ownership!

Honest-to-blog truth, or publicity stunt gone awry? You decide! Leona Lewis claims that while she's guilty of peddling mid-level pop pastiches, she's not guilty of instigating that nasty row between Rihanna and Chris Brown which left the former hospitalized. Thankfully, an unnamed source (Simon Cowell, lurking behind the bushes, keeping a watchful eye over his pet perhaps?) was on hand to witness the unpleasantness and relay the details back to the Telegraph. Says the source, "Rihanna saw Chris flirting. He and Leona were laughing and Rihanna saw his hand on the small of her back. It was totally innocent but it set Rihanna off."

If those lofty New Year's resolutions you made in a vain bid to one-up your frenemies have got you up at all hours of the night, then look no further than Leona Lewis to provide a sensibly soporific solution. Having conquered America with interchangeable hits like this one and this one too, Lewis is angling to lull America into complacency by any means necessary in order to prolong her reign as pop princess. This means that if luring Chace Crawford to the set of her next music video fails, possibly teaming up with Coldplay shouldn't.