● Courtney Love talks about the time Sharon Stone screamed at her in front of Anna Wintour. Oh, memories. [NYMag]
● Miley Cyrus hasn’t seen Twilight -- and doesn’t plan to. “I don’t believe in it. I don’t like vampires ... I don’t want anything to do with it.”[EW]
● Twihards, brace yourselves: Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart will lock lips in their next film, The Runaways; according to Fanning, it’s a very passionate kiss. [AccessHollywood]

Meh, it's anyone guess how LiLo, ever the object of public curiosity, keeps finding the eleven letters of her name magnetically drawn to almost-A-listers lately. There was that whole sordid thing with Gerard Butler, although Lohan reportedly put the kibosh on that. So now there are whispers -- just breathy susses, at that -- of LiLo and former Mr. Reese Witherspoon Ryan Phillippe "getting cozy" at L.A. club Voyeur recently.

● Lindsay Lohan doesn’t pay for drinks, okay?! After grabbing and downing two bottles of expensive champagne at Crown Bar, Lohan promptly had a hissy fit when the bartender gave her the bill. [People]
● Paris Hilton is mad at Kim Kardashian and her sisters for biting the dubious fame hand that feeds and becoming more famous than her. [P6]
● Don’t mess with Courtney Cox when it comes to a ham and cheese sandwich. Turns out Ms. Cox is quite the terror on the set of Cougar Town, humiliating a crew member for not preparing the sandwich with equal parts ham and cheese. [PopCrunch]

• Twihards who don't want to be tasked with stepping on one side of this epic Team Edward-Team Jacob debate can heave a sigh of relief next February, when the Jacob Black doll bows and their collection is complete.[EW]
• Known internationally as the talent show that foisted Leona Lewis on us, UK's X-Factor was graced by a pineapple-donning Calvin Harris who decided to offer us a reprieve during this dreadful Sanjaya-esque moment. [Digital Spy]
• Ahem, Fergie would like more gay love, please. [Queerty]

• So in news regarding the finest non-Lady Gaga-related moment to happen in music this week, Solange is encouraging everyone to pirate her well-done do-over of The Dirty Projectors' "Stillness Is the Move" after Universal keeps taking down free downloads of the cover across the web. To that end, here's a great place to start. [Jezebel]
• Barf bags at the ready please: Jon Gosselin may or may not have filmed a sex tape wherein he does a couple bumps. His flack is devastated that us gossip folks are running with this rumor. He'd be devastated to know that most of us would run with rumors of J.Goss turning out to be swine flu patient zero, too. [Us]
• While on the topic of crowdsourced pornography: Carrie Prejean's total swag count now includes eight sex tapes and 30 photographs. You'll remember that some fraction of this entire package was being shopped around for $100,000 earlier this year. [New York Daily News]
• Having humbled everyone from Kanye West to country stalwart Wynonna Judd, Swift has the entire world rolling around in her palms. Her next conquest: A quick cash-in on vampires via a potential stint on Vampire Diaries [Digital Spy]

Apologies to all other pop stars of this year and years past. You're just now utterly useless. Footnotes in the exhaustive discourse about The Way We Are. Throw in the towel now. Whatever you do, you just won't outdo Lady Gaga. You could develop a drinking problem, leak a kinky sex tape, get yourself to rehab, threaten suicide, get into a scuffle with one of your similarly desperate peers, do charity work in a third world country, or even mull the prospect of neutering yourself. And that just wouldn't be enough. Because at the end of the day, Gaga will reign supreme. You are the shadows, other pop stars, and Gaga is the sun. Hell, even Posh Spice wilts under her towering likeness. The proof's in the lobster claws. Regardless, here's a breakdown of Gaga's three-pronged takedown of the entire known cosmos.

It's been a rough week for Lindsay Lohan and Estrella Archs, the artistic adviser and designer, respectively, behind Ungaro's controversial SS10 collection. Immediately after the line -- pasties and heart prints galore included -- hit the runway, the backlash began. And in the proceeding weeks the negative coverage of Lohan's first high-fashion attempt has been relentless. Just this past week, Emmanuel Ungaro (the house's namesake) himself panned the presentation. He called the collection a "disaster," although, he added, "I am furious, but I can't do anything about it." Ungaro even went so far as to say that his eponymous house is "in the process of losing its soul."

Another day, another miserable complication in the ever-shrinking life of Little Orphan Lindsay. Previously: LOL's horrible father figure forked over a bundle of voice mails about his daughter to RadarOnline. And as part of its honorable mission statement to provide the highest level of public-service journalism, RadarOnline has made available one of those recordings, in which we learn, through the cigarette-scorched voice of her mother, that Lohan may have been dating Ledger shortly before his death. And that she could be as little as one bender away from her own personal D-Day.

What better way to cap a rollicking weekend of I-told-you-sos and unexpected redemption than a friendly caveat from Lindsay Lohan! She issued a series of tweets telling her fans to ignore the frantic yawps of her father. Unlike Lohan's other pleas to the world, we'll have no trouble getting on board with this. Because the circumstances surrounding the mayhem are even more fractured than Lohan's perception of the world around her. It's like the difference between this and this.

● Jeremy Piven says his "moobs" (man boobs) came from soy milk abuse; the actor started out as the “guy that dabbled in soy milk” but it quickly escalated into drinking 12 cups a day -- which contained enough estrogen to give him boobs. [Us]
● Michael Lohan says Lindsay Lohan is a “beautiful girl” but “she looks 100 years old." [E!]
●What men think about, according to Kate Hudson: “Game scores, masturbation, and food." [Us]