• Hello World! Meet Heidi Samuel. She's just like Heidi Klum, but upgraded: She's fierce! She's real! Sometimes, she even has a fugly misstep. But dammit, she sure loves that guy who was Frenched by a flower. [DigitalSpy]
• I don't know who Justin Bieber is either! Is he that Balloon Boy some people were bantering about weeks ago? Whoever he is, his fans are more unhinged than New Moon hordes, apparently. [ABC News]
• Sigh, I don't know why either as this is the perfect time for her to star in any Age of Innocence remake. (RE: Megan Fox won't be killed off in Transformers 3.) [DigitalSpy]

The thing about being a beauty junkie is that you're allowed to be a novice. It's not about turning into a highlight-obsessed Bergdorf Blonde or investing your 401K in indulgent anti-aging treatments. Personally, I think it means actively exploring what you like and what makes you feel good, being scrappy about saving dough, and basically making that whole commercial beauty enterprise work for you. But then again, I'm a novice. I happen to be a lucky junkie and can get my fix of the next big beauty obsession thanks to the nature of my job; but I never obsess or buy into every promised-land product that comes my way. To be honest, homemade scrubs and a 10-minute morning routine puts me in the "low maintenance" bracket. Except when it comes to one thing: eyebrows. I am diligently obsessed and frequently frustrated with my eyebrows, though for some reason I have never fronted the time or money to see an actual professional brow-shaper. Until I found Sue Ellen Gifford at the Pierre Michel Salon, that is.

• Twihards who don't want to be tasked with stepping on one side of this epic Team Edward-Team Jacob debate can heave a sigh of relief next February, when the Jacob Black doll bows and their collection is complete.[EW]
• Known internationally as the talent show that foisted Leona Lewis on us, UK's X-Factor was graced by a pineapple-donning Calvin Harris who decided to offer us a reprieve during this dreadful Sanjaya-esque moment. [Digital Spy]
• Ahem, Fergie would like more gay love, please. [Queerty]

● Kanye West can be blamed for a lot of things, but spreading homophobia in hip hop is not one of them. According to Fergie, West is “completely gay-friendly ... he did a great thing for hip-hop and made it very mixed and open." [MTV]
● Robert Pattinson is embarrassed about those Megan Fox dating rumors because the fake details of their date were so “cheesy.” [OK]
● Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is taking a page out of her sister’s handbook and starting a clothing line that will show off her “preppy and punk rock” style because she thinks she can “really succeed in fashion.” [DigitalSpy]

● Robert Pattinson may be the romantic interest in the lives of many tweens and middle-aged women, but the Twilight actor says he “can't think of a single romantic thing” he has ever done. [People]
● Despite showing up to an event with visibly lighter skin, Sammy Sosa is not trying to be like Michael Jackson, he just went through a “rejuvenation process for his skin." [ChicagoTribune]
● Duncan Jones will follow up his breakout film Moon with a thriller entitled Source Code, with Jake Gyllenhaal in the lead. [Screendaily]

● Despite Madonna’s impassioned MTV eulogy for Michael Jackson, the good vibes were not mutual. In recordings with his spiritual advisor Rabbi Shmuley, the King of Pop says Madge is “not a nice person.” [CNN]
● Megan Fox isn’t one of those celebs that has a Google Alert on her name, ‘cause if she did, Fox would be a “complete lunatic, drug-addled and out of [her] mind.” [Showbizspy]
● One might imagine that mechanic James Jimenez stole Kristen Dunst’s $2,000 Balenciaga handbag from her Manhattan hotel room because she’s a big celebrity. Turns out Jimenez doesn’t even know who Dunst is and "doesn’t care about Spider-Man." [NYP]

I had high hopes: a boyflesh-eating Megan Fox, high school carnage, plus experiments in Bic tongue-scalding, and all named after a truly awesome Hole song about being kept in a box beside a man’s bed -- alive, but just barely! Alas, like Kirsten Dunst in full Marie Antoinette kit shuffling down a very long hallway to “Age of Consent," Diablo Cody and company should have just stuck with the three-minute trailer and let the imagination take it from there. Because, really, it was so much better in my head. The reality being a theater full of 15-year-old boys screaming every time Meg-meg appeared on screen, “Show us the thumb!” And though the early reviews may have been mixed as to Foxy’s acting acumen, let me assure you: girlfriend’s flatter than her bio boobs.

● Jennifer’s Body co-stars Megan Fox and Adam Brody are rumored to be a couple…mostly because they have been seen together in Toronto during their press tour and were flirty on set. [HollywoodChaos]
● Rachel Zoe tells us what fall fashions make her “die.” Hint: it involves patent-leather leggings and chunky necklaces. [Myspace]
● Veteran actor Michael Caine says he misses his acting glory days when he played roles that were “dishing out the sex.” [DigitalSpy]

Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox make sucking it sexy, Lady Gaga accessorized last night's VMA performance with it, and HBO makes it True: Blood is having its moment. While sporting a pair of plastic fangs is only cool in a middle school cafeteria, and stage blood should stay on stage (though it also makes unnecessary appearances in middle school cafeterias), fashion houses like Alexander McQueen, Bottega Veneta, and Dolce & Gabbana have made fashionable interpretations of all the pop culture gore, sending modern-day vamps down their fall runways. With variations of pale skin, dramatic eyes, and blood-red lips, the look is perfect for a little bloodletting after hours, and with a few tweaks, can also be wearable at your day job.

● Tim Gunn says the board of directors at Ungaro must have been "smoking crack" when they appointed Lindsay Lohan as "artistic advisor" to the multimillion-dollar company. [NYMag]
● Supermodel Claudia Schiffer won’t fall prey to the botox trend, saying she would rather age gracefully then inject that "poison" into her face. [DigitalSpy]
● Despite being called "Hitler" by Megan Fox, Michael Bay came to her defense after crew members mocked Fox in an open letter defending the director; Bay says it’s all part of Fox’s "crazy charm." [ContactMusic]