● Joe Simpson is developing a sitcom for Nickelodeon based on his experiences as a career-driven Svengali who masterminds the rise of his two untalented daughters as a psychologist raising two daughters. [Us Weekly]
● James Cameron's other ex, Linda Hamilton—aka Sarah Connor—lays into the king of the world. [Daily Mail]
● New Meme: Snooki crashing your vacation, Avatar, 90210 and every place else. [Urlesque, Urlesque]

Do you find Megan Fox attractive? Enjoy her sexxy boobs and hot face? Maybe you've read a few interviews with her, and believe her to be a charming young lady to boot. What if I showed you pictorial proof of her freaky-deaky midget thumbs? Eeew, gross! You'd never do her with a thumb like that, let alone two, amirite?

Supposedly there was a time when Mickey Rourke was desirable to women. It was allegedly the mid-1980s and he was a budding star, constantly depicting bad boy bruisers in films like 9½ Weeks, Angel Heart and The Pope of Greenwich Village. He ended up ruining the whole heartthrob thing with a mix of booze and boxing, and now, between the leathery skin, sloppy pimp outfits and ratty highlighted hair, he's a hearty combo of creepy and gross. (He also called his dead chihuahua the love of his life.) All of which makes news that he'll play opposite the uncomfortably sexual lip-licker Megan Fox in a new film all the more unsettling.

● David Beckham gets a new tattoo. Jesus not all that flattered. [Telegraph]
● The finest elegant graffiti china pattern you’ll eat off this year. [Lovegrove & Repucci]
● New Jersey legalizes medical marijuana. East Coasters hopeful they’ll finally have access to California-quality smoke. [NYTimes]
● Thief steals $1 million in jewels from Usher’s car. There’s no accounting for taste. [TMZ]

Lists are everywhere right now. Here a list! There a list! Everywhere, a list! Today though, a specific part of one list in particular: Moviefone.com's user-generated Top 5 picks of the year's worst actresses. Topping the list: Megan Fox. Runners-up: Beyoncé, Hilary Swank, Sandra Bullock (for the other big movie she did this year that doesn't have Oscar buzz around it), Kate Hudson, and Malin Akerman. A quartet of actresses more shit-tacular this year than Fox, after the jump.

Megan Fox and Mickey Rourke Will "Date": Sorry Brian Austin Green, but part of the perils of dating Hollywood's blowup doll du jour is accepting that each of her roles brings with it the possibility of hooking up with a costar that is more successful (i.e. more desirable) than yourself. See: Mickey Rourke. The two "rebels" are currently in pre-production on Passion Play, their film where Fox plays an angel who is saved by a broken down piece of trumpet-playing meat (Rourke). Like her (and everyone's) role model Angelina Jolie, Fox has been linked to costars before, namely Shia Labeouf, and everyone remembers Rourke's non-romance with his much younger costar from The Wrestler, Evan Rachel Wood. Expect the "just friends" label brandied about at premieres and junkets, but in Mickey's mind, the two of them were already banging the second he saw her dressed up as a giant raisin on that rerun of Hope & Faith.

● Rihanna has some new ink. It reads "never a failure, always a lesson" backwards, but that’s no mistake. RiRi’s current motto is backwards so she can read it herself in the mirror. [Ok]
● Speaking of RiRi, she’s been giving some thought about acting; she’d be up to play an assassin or a lesbian or a lesbian assassin, but only if Megan Fox played her girlfriend. [AngryApe]
● Robert Pattinson may be the tabloids' tween dreamboat, but he’s a bad omen for his costars' love lives. First Kristen Stewart, then Emilie de Ravin; now upcoming leading lady Uma Thurman has split from her boyfriend. [Celebuzz]

• Hello World! Meet Heidi Samuel. She's just like Heidi Klum, but upgraded: She's fierce! She's real! Sometimes, she even has a fugly misstep. But dammit, she sure loves that guy who was Frenched by a flower. [DigitalSpy]
• I don't know who Justin Bieber is either! Is he that Balloon Boy some people were bantering about weeks ago? Whoever he is, his fans are more unhinged than New Moon hordes, apparently. [ABC News]
• Sigh, I don't know why either as this is the perfect time for her to star in any Age of Innocence remake. (RE: Megan Fox won't be killed off in Transformers 3.) [DigitalSpy]

The thing about being a beauty junkie is that you're allowed to be a novice. It's not about turning into a highlight-obsessed Bergdorf Blonde or investing your 401K in indulgent anti-aging treatments. Personally, I think it means actively exploring what you like and what makes you feel good, being scrappy about saving dough, and basically making that whole commercial beauty enterprise work for you. But then again, I'm a novice. I happen to be a lucky junkie and can get my fix of the next big beauty obsession thanks to the nature of my job; but I never obsess or buy into every promised-land product that comes my way. To be honest, homemade scrubs and a 10-minute morning routine puts me in the "low maintenance" bracket. Except when it comes to one thing: eyebrows. I am diligently obsessed and frequently frustrated with my eyebrows, though for some reason I have never fronted the time or money to see an actual professional brow-shaper. Until I found Sue Ellen Gifford at the Pierre Michel Salon, that is.

• Twihards who don't want to be tasked with stepping on one side of this epic Team Edward-Team Jacob debate can heave a sigh of relief next February, when the Jacob Black doll bows and their collection is complete.[EW]
• Known internationally as the talent show that foisted Leona Lewis on us, UK's X-Factor was graced by a pineapple-donning Calvin Harris who decided to offer us a reprieve during this dreadful Sanjaya-esque moment. [Digital Spy]
• Ahem, Fergie would like more gay love, please. [Queerty]