I JUST came back from the perpetually underwhelming Coffee Shop in Union Square with the girl. It’s far from the Elite Model farm team that it was when I was a handsome 14-year-old LA transplant. Back then I used to cop two dimes for a quarter, nahmean? Chelsea Now reveals in an interview with co-owner Carolyn Benitez today that Coffee Shop is expanding beyond its ugly walls and the worst bathrooms to do drugs in this side of a midtown pub. Owners will be taking over the lease of that silly lil' Chelsea area Empire Diner that I pass everyday en route to better meals. I know what you’re thinking: he reads Gothamist. It’s true. But in my defense, I was checking the weather. But what of Empire and their low-lidded waitstaff?

“Who would have thought that a show about a guy with a big dick would become such a hot commodity?” says Paul Iacono, as he passes a giant billboard for HBO’s Hung, the word “Ho” plastered across Thomas Jane’s face. Never mind the overlap, this season, the 21- year-old writer-actor will play RJ in MTV’s Hard Times, a series about a young loner with, according to Iacono, “a massive, massive penis -- but the show’s main organ is its heart.” He also stars in this month’s “reinvention” of Fame, a role for which he’s visibly grateful. But while strolling through his favorite East Village haunts (see our behind-the-scenes video), he’s just been informed that the film’s rating has gone from PG-13 to PG. “My character now says, ‘It was everything I hoped for and more, except for the part where I’m still a virgin -- technically,’ instead of, ‘I was supposed to get laid.’ But,” he adds, grinning, “At least I get to drop my pants on TV.”

New York is a city of feelings. Not the kind your needy ex-girlfriend has, but the kind indicative of living in a modern-day Babylon. Ifeelnyc.com is an interactive city guide, comprised solely of members’ suggestions. Select a state of mind out of the six choices on the left, and the corresponding cheeky icon will pop up over a map of NYC to represent all the places other New Yorkers go when they’re feeling that vibe. As for the quirky list, ranging from naughty to chilled, creator Andy Whitlock says, “I needed more potent mind-states that lots of people could identify with and that let to interesting choices.”