● The Tonight Show saga gets the musical treatment. "My stars. My word. I do declare/ That Conan’s self-abusing bear/Has given me, once more, the laughter/That I lost in the hereafter." [New Yorker]
● Was Kanye not invited to tonight’s Haiti Telethon because of his “George Bush Hates Black People” comment during the Katrina telethon? Since that’s the best thing that's ever happened on a telethon, this seems unfair. [Daily News]
● How to say eff you in 100 languages. (Take with a grain of salt, as our rudimentary knowledge of Latin leads us to believe “Dorme Mecum” means sleep with shit, which isn’t quite the same as the F-bomb.) [Buzzfeed]
● Prince loves football, records a not-particularly rousing song for the Vikings (they're team color is purple). Minnesota represent! [TMZ]

Some time ago, Mariah Carey, of all pop stars, remarked incisively about how it's no longer enough for musicians to record songs. Now they have to establish themselves as businesses. It then makes sense that Robbie Williams, who's currently riding the high of a well-tailored comeback, is looking to branch out similarly. With his current four-album record deal with EMI coming to a close, Williams is looking to sidestep record label bosses and establish himself as a self-governing musical entity for the next phase of his career. This way, investors -- maybe including financial institutions -- would his production costs on the promise of a 50% return on all profits. It's another advance that hacks away overgrown weeds of an industry still gasping to keep up with the predominantly digital tendencies of music fans. It also makes them the latest in a growing line of self-employed pop stars increasingly fed up with record label cock-ups.

● Angelina Jolie will grace the cover of July Harper’s Bazaar, but the actress has nothing to promote; she isn’t even interviewed for the magazine. Rather, feminist writer Naomi Wolf will explain why so many woman would go gay for Jolie. [US]
● Ed Westwick -- more commonly known as Chuck Bass -- would like you to stop calling him "fat." He’s practically svelte. [E!]
● Miley Cyrus isn’t attracting the same crowds as in the past; thousands were expected to show up for the casting of her latest film, but less than ten showed up. [WTOCTV]

Surely for that chump change, the gadget includes not only every out-take, every "When Doves Cry" reswizzle, and a scrap of fabric torn from the Prince's own pair of assless trousers, but also a custom prayer inscribed on the back. Wrong! Retailing at roughly $150 per song, the iPod includes 15 songs and a 40-minute concert video. It's also very purple and has that unpronounceable other moniker of his inscribed on the back. But that's not all.

● Prince may have a little crush on Salma Hayek. His new song is named after her daughter Valentina; in it, he sings "Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call.” Smart man to go through the daughter first, except she can’t quite speak yet. [Spinner]
● Halle Berry looks a lot like Jennifer Lopez on the cover of the new Harper’s Bazaar. [JustJared]
● Did you notice Britney Spears' slimmer figure in those new Candies ads? That’s no diet; the signer called in the airbrush pros. [E&Sb]

For such a small guy, Prince is making a huge amount of trouble these days. First the diminutive bible thumper stirs the pot on the heels of Proposition 8, claiming that homosexuality is wrong."God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out," said the Purple One. "He was, like, 'Enough.' " Now, Prince is stinking up the courtroom in a lawsuit that claims his diva-like behavior is dooming his Revelations fragrance line, "3121."

LA party maestro Jason Scoppa gets down with Prince, protects his guests from Cali’s rabid paparazzi, name-drops his newest venue, then crashes on the couch with a slice.

Point of Origin: My friend and current business partner Alexi Yulish asked me if I wanted to run a door with him to make some extra cash. It was a Rodeo Drive kosher steak house called Prime Grill. At the time we both needed the bread, so I told him to set up a meeting. We took the meeting, and I said, “Why don't you let us throw our own party?” We broke the patio dining furniture down and brought in any lounge furniture we could find. We brought in DJs and photo booths. It ended up being one of the most interesting Saturday nights in town for that summer.

Perfumer, musician, and world's sexiest vegetarian Prince will headline the second day of the Coachella music festival (April 25-27) in Indio, California. Reportedly paid $4.8 million for the performance, his last-minute addition to the lineup has fueled speculation that he was only brought in to boost ticket sales. We're not so much buying that argument, though. It's not like Portishead, the Raconteurs, Death Cab for Cutie, Aphex Twin, the Breeders, Fatboy Slim, M.I.A., the National, Hot Chip, Animal Collective, Kate Nash, Vampire Weekend, etc., etc, are nobodies, especially for the typical Coachella audience. Did they even need Prince? But maybe we're just being naïve. Deja-vu: In 2006, Madonna was added a few weeks before the festival -- and they did offer Morrissey $5 million (which he turned down) for a reunion of The Smiths. Whatever the reason Prince arrives, it's his first U.S. festival appearance ever. And if his show-stealing 2007 Super Bowl performance is any indication, it should prove spectacular.