It may cost $150,000 to make Lindsay Lohan your date for the night if you're an Austrian billionaire about to attend the Vienna Opera Ball, but how much does she cost if you're a clothing brand and she wears your wares to a high-profile event? The Wall Street Journal attempts to crack the code, and figuring what starlet gets the most play on the red carpet.

Faith Hill once sang in her hit single "Cry": "Could you cry a little / Lie just a little / Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain." There's no doubt that the whole of America is doing just that, as they narrow their beady eyes onto Rihanna's diminutive form. The Barbadian diva quietly confessed that she'll be attending the epically terrible Grammys all by her lonesome. For a country that's long been conditioned to believe in the rule of twos, this is especially devastating-- though it should be noted the Grammys mark the one year anniversary of her now infamous fight with abuser Chris Brown.

The outpouring of support for the people of Haiti is at once so inspiring and so frustrating. The star power that turned out for last night's Hope For Haiti Now was truly blinding, full of generous A-listers doing anything they could to raise money for the victims of disaster. But why must George Clooney wink in the TV's direction to inspire everyday people to do what they can to help? And Bono, King of the World, makes everything nigh insufferable. Sure, Beyoncé has grace for days, but the whole thing just reeks of shallow first world guilt and schmaltz.

Last night was a wonderful night across the world where if you had never experienced the miracles of getting a colonic, your television brought one to you! So to speak. Celebrities, actors, and other famous people who aren't Heidi Montag, Taylor Momsen, or Lindsay Lohan all joined hands and sang a little prayer for the little country that loves its carbs in a big way. And unless you were "getting drunk for Haiti" or "going on blind dates for Haiti" or "eating lasagna for one for Haiti," you probably remember every moment of this poignant television event like it happened yesterday (which it did!) But in case you fall in the 97% of people who had something else better "to do for Haiti," a quick recap after the break.

Chris Brown, master of questionable decisions, right? I mean, how else could you explain the guy -- forever villainous for beating, biting and threatening to kill then-girlfriend Rihanna -- posing with a bloodied Jean Paul Gaultier at a boxing-themed fashion show? Frankly, it's disgusting. And ill-advised, if the once squeaky clean Michael Jackson heir ever wants to return to his softer days of making mall girls moist. Throw in that clumsy, cue card YouTube apology and that regrettable bowtie on Larry King Live, he must have the worst PR team ever. Or they know exactly what they're doing and it's more sinister than we could have imagined.

Some of us are totally hopeless when it comes to engineering high-quality publicity stunts. And the rest of us let George Clooney organize such extravaganzas and idly wait by the phone, hoping he'll ask us to join him. Among those of us who were so lucky: Rihanna, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Taylor Swift. Essentially, any pop star who has a project that needs or will need pimping has signed on to perform at Friday's televised benefit for Haiti. Sure somewhere in the germ of the idea for a Haiti relief telethon are the best of intentions. But as is typical, such intentions are jockeying with the quest for publicity and maximum viewership.

Previously: Rihanna was deemed "not slutty" and Beyoncé refused to acquiesce to the rigorous standards of an Islamic nation and so canceled a bunch of live gigs there instead. Now: Rihanna is facing a Beyoncélicious dilemma of her own. While performing a gig at the Emirates Palace--for which she's receiving a payday of $500,000 (that's $200,000 more than Gaga's New Year's Eve show)--Rihanna's been told that she'll have to cover up to fall in line with the country's customs.

Young love is a tricky thing. One day you're skipping rope and spoon-feeding each other gelato. The next, a swine flu scare means it's bring-your-own-spoons and suddenly, your boyfriend's a big ninny who lacks the ability to sublimate his rage in a healthy way. How do you rebound after such melodrama? Especially if you're Rihanna and Chris Brown? Well, if you're Rihanna, you play private dancer for the guy who handed Taylor Swift her career on a silver platter. And if you're Chris Brown: Strippers!

Lady Gaga's sartorial reach has increased ten-fold in recent months. In just a year Gaga has established herself as one of the dominating forces in fashion. Aside from leading the no-pants trend that's surfaced on catwalks and sidewalks alike, Gaga has apparently helped boost corset sales. "British women are taking style inspiration from Rihanna and Lady Gaga by raiding intimates departments for intricate corsets to wear to the disco," says Women's Wear Daily.

I've been in India for the past couple weeks (and before you ask, no, I didn't happen upon Lindsay Lohan, although I did chance upon a crow shitting and that made me chime, "Metaphor!") and I've learned a thing or two from seeing the stray dogs that tend to travel in packs down the street. If you throw meat or even rotten fruit at them from afar, they'll keep coming back for more. It's here you can draw a parallel with Chris Brown's tweets, which are the most damnably rotten fruit you could ever ask for. And, the stray dogs who make up the world's gossip blogger class, could ask for nothing more. It's sad that C.Bro has left Twitter, thereby stripping us of many mango peels' worth of delicious, easy scandal. But it should make Brown quite glad, to know that despite his colorful tweets, first week sales of Graffiti are looking well robust.