● Kristen Stewart refuses to answer questions about her relationship with Robert Pattinson because “There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. ‘Okay, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.'” [EW]
● Everyone’s favorite housewife of Atlanta, Kim Zolciak, says she’s a fan of Botox, but only because it helps her migraines, and she recommends it to everyone. [HuffingtonPost]
● Dancing with the Stars pro Cheryl Burke plans to take on the role of Roxie Hart in Chicago before Season 10 of the show. [People]

Robert Pattinson, he's just like us! Or so says Vanity Fair in their new profile -- excerpts of which are online -- of the most famous British actor in the world. The cover story, which hits newsstands in New York and L.A. on November 4, reveals a young man so shredded by self-consciousness that he has to drink constantly to buff the edges of his social awkwardness. And here I thought I was the only one.

Famed bottom-lip biter Kristen Stewart says there is some parallel poetry between the vampires of Twilight and the life of fame and riches that the movies' roles have brought about for their young stars. Which really is the sort of startling conclusion that would've helped the past couple generations of child stars age a lot more gracefully. Maybe Stewart's exceptional worldview is just part of a sea change for many young celebrities quickly learning to adapt to the ruthlessly fickle rhythms of celebrity culture. But she presents co-star Robert Pattinson's Edward Cullen as a bleak metaphor for celebrity. She says, "Edward is actually a really good parallel to fame."

Pop singer Leona Lewis, whose soundbites have gotten substantially more interesting since that very unfortunate incident, has come on the record on the most important newsbeat to emerge this year: Twilight. She whispers, "I'm obsessed with the Twilight films." This in turn leads us to believe that in addition to marathoning the vampire franchise, an ideal night in for Lewis would also involve inviting best friend and former Sugababe Keisha Buchanan over to munch on Kinder Bueno bars, paint each other's toenails, and take the piss out of the celebrity-industrial complex.

While good news for the cast of Eclipse includes the end of filming, the comparatively horrible news for the core cast (basically R-Patz and K-Stew) includes news of New Moon's all-American mall tour! Yippee! On your way to Hot Topic or Lane Bryant (because R-Patz fans largely frequently only one of those two establishments and nowhere else, especially since the demise of record shops), you can high-five K-Stew, get hair-curling tips from R-Patz, and abuse the other cast members with who we're not (and never ever will be) on a first-letter-dash-abbreviated-last-name basis.

There really is no guaranteed secret to getting Robert Pattinson to fall head over heels for you (unless you figure out a way to become Kristen Stewart, zing!). No stalking map I can sell you explains how to get closer to him either. But you can deepen your obsession and enrich your fantasy date by getting the right Rob-appropriate look.

We first met our Robert Pattinson-stalking intern last summer, when the actor was filming Remember Me in New York, and she was spending nights in the lobby of the Bowery Hotel hoping for a glimpse. Summer's now over, and Robert Pattinson is in Vancouver filming Eclipse, and our intern is, well, not here. But when we got our paws on a copy of Robsessed, the new documentary about the Twilight star, there was only one person we could think of who would be up to the challenge of reviewing it.

Combine the commentary of unfamiliar Brits, overly excited “super fans,” and an as-creepy-as-the-undead vampire enthusiast, and you’ve just seen Robsessed. The documentary (read: compilation of things you can easily find on the internet) centers on the personal life and career of the acoustic crooner turned indie film star turned international heartthrob, Robert Pattinson.

In a case of art imitating life, one of Britain's most famous men is in talks to play another one of Britain's most famous men in a planned biopic that seems entirely premature. According to OK! (a source I'm weary of trusting, although they do have quotes from the film's director), Pattinson is one of three actors being considered for the role of Prince Harry in the enigmatically-titled picture The Spare. Why Pattinson would even be considered for, or would even want this role, is beyond comprehension, but again, this is the man who once donned a mustache for that gay painter movie, so anything's possible, right?

Kids these days! With their Nintendo Wiis, chia pets, bánh mì, and blatant disregard for celebrity privacy! Apparently droves of fangirls have forced Robert Pattinson to hole up in his posh hotel lest he get trampled, gored, or other gruesome things that make us fondly recall the second season finale of True Blood (even though he's in the tank for Twilight). Apparently you fangirls have basically crushed his social life and probably his will to live. Which is why he may be depressed and not bathing. See how all of you have decimated his personal happiness, after the break!

● Rumor has it Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will finally confirm their relationship in December’s Harper’s Bazaar. Which might explain why the pair were seen tooling around in a Volvo. [PopCrunch, RadarOnline]
● Jessica Alba thinks her kid is better than yours! Alba’s one-year-old, Honor, is already bilingual ... sort of: “She says gato for cat, but dog is dog." [People]
● During the making of The Bounty Hunter, Jennifer Aniston had to excuse herself from a love scene with Gerard Butler because it reminded her too much of Brad. Somewhere in the South of France, Angelina Jolie is laughing. [Celebedge]