● Super Bowl commercials hate women. [Buzzfeed]
● Meanwhile, Oprah played buffer between Jay Leno and David Letterman for last night's headline grabbing spot, but Conan O'Brien wins anyway, because this is the internet. [The Wrap]
● Sarah Palin wrote notes on the palm of her hand for a speech at the Tea Party Convention conjuring 4th grade spelling test nightmares for every person in attendance. [The Huffington Post]

● David Beckham takes off his pants for no reason. Enjoy. [Just Jared]
● Proving Encino Man’s prescience, scientists find that Neanderthals used make-up. [BBC]
● On tonight’s episode of No Reservations Anthony Bourdain burns six tons of cocaine. [Gawker]
● File under 'inevitability": Sarah Palin to contribute to Fox News. [Politico]

The '00s was the era of the uncelebrity. Thanks to reality television, which became an omnipresent phenomenon starting in 2000 with the original Survivor, the development of the 24/7 news cycle and a flush economy that celebrated conspicuous consumption and little else, a class of humans became famous just for being famous. Unlike celebrities of ages past, they had no discernible talent, no poise, no finely-groomed finishing school-caliber charm, just a will to fame. As we crawl towards the end of the aughts, let's take a look at the many prominent non-celebrity celebrities the decade brought us.

Last night, William Shatner sat down to read selections from Sarah Palin's Going Rogue. This marked the second time that The Tonight Show made use of Shatner's brilliant narrative techniques. Previously he appeared on the show to recite her Tweets. But as with anything involving Palin--who is quickly becoming our generation's Gloria Vanderbilt (a Palin-esque line of mom jeans to follow?)-- and a captive viewing audience, surprises were in store!

You know what we rarely get in politics? Neatly tied-up ends and parallel plot points. So this news of a Sarah Palin heckling in Minnesota is pretty inspired. Although my projectile of choice probably would've been a Zhu Zhu Pet. But perhaps grazing Sarah Palin's eye would've been a fate too punishing even for a palm-sized plush novelty toy. Still it's an excellent time of year that someone can serendipitously make a little time to valiantly chuck some slimy produce at Sarah Palin's mug. And though our hero sits in a cell in Minnesota because of his poor aim, he remains a winner in the hearts of billions of people worldwide.

Who does Sarah Palin think she is, not logging face time with the weirds who vaulted her into the elusive echelon of celebrity from where she sneers down at the gotcha media? I mean, if not for them, we wouldn't be brinking on a new class of insurgence, one who conflates the Bible with Going Rogue and possesses a distinct fear of words. At a recent book signing, Palin was all like, "Whatever, bitch. I do what I want. I'll go to Ann Taylor and buy a smart pantsuit. What-everr." And then she sashayed away, signing no more books. Which is when that booing ensued. Video follows.

● John Mayer has a crush, and her name is Taylor Swift. What makes her so attractive? Her humility (take note, Jennifer Aniston). Mayer adds: "Taylor Swift is the last person to know she's Taylor Swift, which I think is totally sweet." [DigitalSpy]
● Here’s a little insight into the world of Victoria Beckham: She usually wears nothing to bed, loves saying that she eats hamburgers, and has nixed self-tanner. [Us]
● Levi Johnston has shot down Sarah Palin’s Oprah-induced Thanksgiving offer saying it was "a nice gesture, but she didn't mean it," and even if she did, it would be totally “awkward.” [People]

So two genteel ladies had a sit-down. And everyone tuned in and then offered their own two shillings on the matter. The pair bantered about what it was like to be women in a man's world, coming thisclose to performing a spirited duet of "It's A Man's World". Mostly, as Sarah Palin's Going Rogue book tour stormed into Harpo Studios yesterday, we couldn't help but wonder what secrets Palin was hiding in that big hair of hers. Was she hiding a razor blade for self-defense, in case she found herself on the South Side? Did she have a secret blueprint on how to fix the economy -- the type she'd offer up to the country only if we offered her the Oval Office in exchange? Maybe Sarah Palin had insidery knowledge about what Levi's Johnston looks like behind that perilous fig leaf. In any case, one shameful, abhorrent truth was certain: That you couldn't help but feel for Palin. Whether she demystified the hot-messery of the 2008 Republican campaign or laid bare Palin family secrets. Her Oprah drop-by was a lot like one of Mo'Nique's monologues in Precious: That a-ha! moment when the crazy in her eye sparkles its brightest. A list of reasons why you probably admired the gay icon after the break.

So Sarah Palin just finished filming a segment for The Oprah Winfrey Show. When Oprah hit a raw nerve, Palin cut her off and kept saying, "Oprah, you’re being inappropriate. You really are. Oprah, it’s completely confidential. And you’re being inappropriate, OK?" before removing her mic and then mouthing the words, "That line of questioning was just too inappropriate." Oh, woops. I'm confusing one glassy-eyed wingnut bimbo for another, aren't I? Apologies. Anyway, Oprah did an interview post-game where she dished very broadly on the interview without giving anything away. The urgency of the affair was made discernible by her breathless recap of what we can look forward to when the segment airs on Monday. The teaser's after the break.

It's fitting that to commemorate the one year anniversary of Sarah Palin's attempt to systematically dismantle the free world, almost son-in-law Levi Johnston is threatening to release secrets he claims would more or less irreparably crater the erstwhile vice presidential candidate's public persona (allegedly to regain custody of son Tripp). In previous eras, we'd have elaborate costume dramas and grisly bloodshed to glamorize heated custody rows like this. But we're living in a post-Gosselin America where trash is royalty. So we can't expect malevolent queens to rule with ermine tippets draping from their elbows, let alone administer torture with a snap of their fingers. Heck, these days, even a command of the English language is hardly a necessity. However, a list of what sort of dirt -- reasonable to outlandish -- the Playgirl prince may have on the unhinged queen mother of Wasilla follows after the break.