Now that "adult entertainment actress" Stormy Daniels has ostensibly ended her aspirational political career with the domestic beatdown heard around the internet, there's a gaping void in American politics that needs to be filled. We scoured the adult industry in search of other perfect pornstars who can lift this country from its knees.

● Per Se at the Time Warner Center (Midtown West) - Discreet and intimate, with stunning attention to detail. That's how one would choose to describe this advanced gastronomy resto at the Time Warner Center. It doubles for the bathrooms. Discreet, intimate, and roomy. I can name more than a few hookup tales thanks to these private rooms.
● 1 Oak (Chelsea) - Private bathrooms lined in a row for a gorgeous group waiting in a line. Floor to ceiling coverage, low lighting, and mirrors where you just barely make out your own reflection. Bonus for the fact the attendant never seems to be around. Maybe he's getting it on as well?
● Plaza Hotel (Midtown West) - Act like you're old money having an affair like the rest of the clientele. Restrooms are private and off main grid of the palace, though everyone's too wrapped up in themselves to notice your vulgar behavior. Posh, gilded -- dare we say fucking tacky -- catering to tacky, sexy quickies.

It used to be de rigueur that the beaches of France were filled with topless bathing beauties. It was only the prudes in America that still held on to the archaic idea that breasts should be kept inside a bathing suit at the beach. When the women's revolution swept through Europe, going topless was seen as a statement of owning one's sexuality and body. However, in Christopher Granger's latest book, Corps d’Été, he hypothesizes that the "return to nature" movement is losing steam for a number of reasons. One being that nudity is increasingly sexualized, with an emphasis on perfection, and that the women's movement is now focused on more pressing issues such as equal pay and work-family balance, rather than the rights to flash your tatas. In addition, there's that whole skin cancer argument.

Can't lay your hands on a copy of Pirelli's coveted Terry Richardson-shot calendar? Don't fret. There are plenty of nude models on skateboards to go around, thanks to Doodah's limited-edition Supermodel Skateboard Project. Think of it as a cooler, less exclusive and equally functional younger brother to the aforementioned art-cum-fashion calendar. Doodah's latest installment of nude-mannequin-adorned boards "features Isabeli Fontana, Lara Stone, Toni Garrn, and Edita Vilkeviciute on boards, wearing mostly just fabulous heels, shot by Claudia Knoepfel and Stefan Indlekofer."

Photographer and provocateur Terry Richardson has been hard at work on Pirelli's legendary calendar, as I noted not so long ago when images from the typically top-secret shoot leaked. Well, now there's even more Richardson & co. flesh to appreciate thanks to a new NSFW video that includes footage of Richardson at work, interviews with the photographer and a few models (although the Italian voiceover makes them nearly impossible to comprehend) and, of course, lots of T&A. The final moments of the video are its finest, when Richardson can be seen standing on a beach in Brazil, arm in arm with no less than a dozen gorgeous topless models. After the jump, click play at your own risk.

Because sex sells! And you'll recall Ugly Betty may need something just short of a Zachary Quinto bukkake outtake to roll out from under the axe of cancellation when it returns this fall. But more importantly, who wants to actually see Betty going nose-to-nose with a real-life Ugly Betty like Susan Boyle? Anyone? Anyone? No? Not even you guys, studio bigwigs? Hm. Well then. What about a prince of modern gay erotica who forked over $18,000 to appear on the flagging soap?

Remember folks: nudity of any kind, including t-shirts depicting near-nudity by a famous designer, is illegal in Dubai. Last week, Lebanese tourist Raffi Nernekian was visiting the emirate and went for a little stroll down the street sporting the Victoria Beckham version of the naked celebrity t-shirt campaign "Protect the Skin You're In." Designed by Marc Jacobs and featuring several different celebs, the t-shirt in question featured a nude Victoria with lettering strategically placed to cover up anything really indecent. The shirts were part of a 2008 cancer awareness campaign with proceeds benefitting the NYU School of Medicine Interdisciplinary Melanoma Cooperative Group.

In the days since an unnamed porn performer was reported to have tested positive for HIV, there’s been a great deal of discussion about the state of America’s porn industry -- and, more specifically, about the state of safer sex within that industry. The AIDS Healthcare Foundation released a press statement calling for mandatory condom use in porn. CAL-OSHA threatened to cite Porn Valley for endangering the health of employees. Companies released statements about their testing policies, porn stars posted personal statements about the issue, bloggers blogged about condoms and porn -- and, of course, the mainstream media had a field day. But in all the discussion, no one really touched on the biggest question of all: why the majority of heterosexual porn studios do not require their performers to use condoms.

"I don't get where people decide what's sexy and what's disgusting," a friend of mine tells me over instant messenger this morning. "It's like a terrible case of groupthink where people get this great creative director, and then follow him over the cliff." I wasn't going to bother writing about the newbie Calvin Klein threesomesque billboard that made its debut today on Houston Street and Lafayette in Soho; I am quite certain that there will be plenty of pro-con discussion about drawing the line and pushing the envelope. There will be heated debates by sweaty, bible-thumping conservatives, furrowed brows on baby-nursing hippie mothers, and probably a couple thousand blog posts like this one. Calvin Klein's advertisements have often been sexually charged: Brooke Shields goes commando, Natalia Vodianova enjoys sex on the beach (not the drink), pretty boys and tomboy girls suggesting androgyny. This advert seems to drive straight through the stop light of suggestion, denying their market the freedom to decide what it means for themselves, and plasters the picture with big bold words that translate to "This is a threesome." Followed by; "Possibly a foursome." Suddenly we have a paradigm shift.

Turns out our favorite topless coffee shop in Maine is down, but certainly not out. The recent fire that incinerated the place has officially been ruled arson, likely from a moral protestor against the business. Since the coffee shop owner -- along with his two daughters, their boyfriends, and two infants -- all lived in quarters attached to the Grand View, the fire forced them to relocate to a motel. However, even though Donald Crabtree is out of home and business, he is determined to rebuild and retrench.