As a rule of thumb, the words "promising" and "Ashlee Simpson" should never be situated within close proximity to one another. Unless it's to form a sentence like "Ashlee Simpson is promising to leave showbiz and entering a convent." That said, getting ejected off-screen could possibly be the lift that Simpson's career requires. Especially if it means she'll be tap dancing back to Murderess Row to reprise her role as Roxie Hart on Broadway's Chicago. In fact, for a popstrel who has branded herself with tepid tunes and an unimpressive bit parts on-screen, the relative ease with which Simpson shines as the firecracker is surprising. Somewhere within her is a performer who could always easily transcend poor showmanship. But she was weighed down with substandard material. Sounds like another former pop star-turned-primo performer we all know and hold dear to our hearts.

Although we're still a half-day away from Taylor Swift's two-pronged Saturday Night Live assault of blandness, it wouldn't be entirely premature to assume that tonight's episode, so darn full of Swift as it is, to bring out the narcoleptic in all of us. And if the evening turns out one of those decidedly Kristen Wiig-lite episodes, we may just lapse into a coma. Which could be avoided by switching over to Fox. Once home to MADtv and occasionally, reruns of V.I.P., the scattershot network is filling its Saturday late night slot with The Wanda Sykes Show. If this variety show is even remotely as sharp as Sykes' stand-up, channel changers lingering on SNL for an elusive chuckle may find themselves with a high-spirited new option.

Like the cleaning of a house, Rihanna's press circus never ends! Although last night, her 20/20 segment finally wrapped up. The rest of the world sighed a humongous cloud of relief because this sit-down with Diane Sawyer looked promising. It was a humble, pitch-perfect way to close that part of the pop star's life before she fully immerses herself into her Rated R campaign. Face-to-face with Sawyer, Rihanna showed that she has it in her to make peace with this altercation. And despite being well-timed, in case this tabula rasa misfires, here's a considerably more palatable alternative! Regardless, in her provocative interview, Rihanna kept an admirably cool, level head. She wasn't on a mission to point fingers, assign blame, or ravage the last flecks of meat dangling from the corpse of Chris Brown's career. She simply sussed out the events of that fateful February night, picked apart the psychology leading up to those events, and shined light onto a history of domestic violence in her family.

Hollywood’s gossip-in-chief Nikki Finke reported yesterday that as of September 2011, Oprah Winfrey will stop syndicating her talk show and move it to the as yet unlaunched Oprah Winfrey Network. Or in real talk: Oprah’s jumping to some unspecified channel you don’t even get yet. This move, if it plays out, is bad news for CBS (who currently sells Oprah to other TV stations), for people who don’t like exploring the wilds of cable’s triple digits, and possibly even for Oprah herself, depending on how many viewers make the effort to find her on OWN. (She’s lucky she has a more dedicated fan base than Howard Stern). But, as Oprah would remind us, it’s better to focus on the positive. Who are the folks who benefit if The Big O moves off the dial?

So the folks responsible for the Transformers and G.I. Joe franchises are now attempting to revive Jem & the Holograms. Oh there will be blood (but also glitter)! Hollywood has a lousy history manufacturing girly franchises (see Catwoman.) But it's all baby steps. Toy giants Hasbro are issuing a new line of Jem dolls to test the commercial waters. And if those dolls sink into oblivion, then we can all heave a collective sigh of relief. But if those dolls float, even butter-side down, then we're in for a world of trouble.

This morning, a stoic Rihanna sat down with Diane Sawyer for the first part of an interview about what went down between her and her abusive former boyfriend Chris Brown. (Choice quotes: “I fell in love with that person, and it’s embarrassing that’s the type of person that I fell in love with” and “Don’t react off of love. F#*@ love.”) The interview wraps up tomorrow night at 10pm with Rihanna going into details about the pair’s pre-Grammy altercation. Four hours earlier, MTV will broadcast an interview with the beanie-wearing, “100% comfortable wit my sexuality” Brown, also about the abuse. In the clip circulating, the singer seems to say the right things (“What was I thinking? ... How do you, Chris go from point A to Point B, turn it to a positive, become the person that you want to be.”), but I still want to know: What is MTV doing in his corner?

In a television role custom-engineered for the bawdy likes of Kim Kardashian, the fitness guru/gay heroine/reality TV icon/one-time porn starlet/former Dancing with the Stars contestant/part-time lesbian will be adding "stabby seductress" to her expanding skillset. For CSI: New York, Kardashian will be slapping on a few layers of Spanx in order to fit into a corset many sizes too small, shoehorning her size 10s into a glossy pair of eff-me-pumps, and sharpening her shiv.

So much for television shopping still carrying a stigma. Having partnered with HSN to create his first in a series of capsule collections, designer Naeem Khan has sold out each and every party-ready look from his holiday line in 10 minutes. The high-fashion designer, who typically caters to celebrities and couture-hoarding ladies with deep pockets to match, sold the ten styles that made up his HSN collection called "Timeless" shortly after they debuted on the network October 29. While the frenzy itself over Khan's designs (including a sequined mini-dress and tuxedo jacket) is worth noting, the truly surprising part of the sale is that the clothes were by no means cheap.

Bryan Batt plays creative director Salvatore Romano on AMC's Mad Men, and he's emerged as one of the show's most unambiguously sympathetic characters. A talented and expressive professional, he's also a deeply closeted gay man in an era and culture that keeps him very much on the down low -- even to himself. Fans were shocked when Sal was abruptly fired from ad agency Sterling Cooper after rejecting the advances of an amorous client, and his future on the show remains cloudy. Batt's prospects, however, have rarely looked rosier, as he enjoys both critical acclaim and domestic success with his New Orleans decor boutique, Hazelnut (co-owned with Batt's partner of many years Tom Cianfichi). Batt talks with us about his ideal return to Mad Men, hunky National Guardsmen making the best of Hurricane Katrina, and getting dressed to the nines.

Are threesomes the final taboo of network television? The CW sure seems to think so. Yesterday, The Wrap obtained a strongly worded letter from the Parents Television Council, who got all riled up over an upcoming episode of Gossip Girl in which three of the show's characters engage in an OM3. The PTC writes, “Television is profoundly influential in the lives of children, especially when it comes to sexual decision making -- it has even been described by one researcher as a 'sexual super-peer' -- signifying television's power to amplify, many times over, the peer-pressure teens are already feeling to engage in high-risk sexual behaviors." Maybe they're on to something.