Frat boy-free brews. ’Nuff said ...

1. The Map Room (Bucktown/Wicker Park) - Don’t even think of ordering a Miller at the last of Bucktown’s self-consciously arty bars.
2. Hopleaf Bar (Andersonville/Edgewater) - Belgian beers and food meet in a place that’s too smart to be too cool and vice versa.
3. Village Tap (Roscoe Village) - High-quality neighborhood pub with great food, outstanding beer selection, and social patrons.

Get him a drink, then give him the boot.

1. The Map Room (Bucktown/Wicker Park) - With books and maps reminiscent of a European explorer's study and a second-to-none beer selection, the bar's literally perfect for telling the guy to take a hike.

2. The Vic Theatre Brew & View (Wrigleyville) - When the dilapidated old Vic Theatre isn't hosting concerts (which is most nights), you can watch third-run movies, drink, and yell obscenities at the screen at its Brew & View night. Either way, you can scream, pull at your hair, and spill your guts without making a scene.

3. The Long Room (Lakeview) - Yeah, it's just one long, dark room with a patio seating area to the side, but the place has a certain indiscernible charm. Lure him into the photobooth and document the exact moment his heart breaks.