The art of the onscreen murder was never staged with such graphic gusto as when Mary Harron filmed Christian Bale slicing and dicing his way through the excess of 80s Wall Street in American Psycho. Since then, the Canadian-born director has dabbled in television, filming episodes of Big Love and Six Feet Under, as well as feature The Notorious Bettie Page. Harron's latest project is an entry in the Fear Itself anthology (currently available on DVD), a television series broken down into 13 different episodes and featuring some of the biggest names working in horror today. Harron's Community follows a young married couple who move into a seemingly perfect neighborhood, and of course, the key word there is seemingly. We spoke to the director about the horror genre, Roman Polanski, and Tom Cruise's lifeless eyes.

● Tom and Katie stopped by Hollywood Boulevard to support friend Cameron Diaz as she got her star on the Walk of Fame. [JustJared]
● Although Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green may or may not be together anymore, Fox doesn’t worry about having Brain’s name tattooed somewhere on her anatomy, ‘cause it would be so easy to laser off these days. [NationalLedger]
● E! has taken the advice of their viewers and have banned Heidi and Spencer Pratt from their channel -- no coverage, no air time, nada. [E!]

● After several DUIs and a most infamous head-butting assault, Kiefer Sutherland is still bar-hopping; he was seen out with his daughter Sarah Jude at LES bar Libation. No injuries were reported. [P6]
● Ben Affleck likes to joke that his kids are so cute, he wonders if they’re his -- much to wife Jennifer Garner’s chagrin. [AllNewsWeb]
● If Robert Pattinson’s American accent sounds familiar, it’s because the British actor borrows from his favorite actors like James Dean and Jack Nicholson. [MyParkMag]

● One actor not looking towards a future career in politics would be Tom Cruise, as he thinks he has the better job as an actor. [CelebGossip]
● Katy Perry is happy to be back with ex Travis McCoy, of Gym Class Heroes, as she hated being single. [Showbizspy]
● Jessica Biel’s nude scenes in the straight-to-DVD film Powder Blue have leaked online. [PopCrunch]

Run for your life, Katie Holmes! No, you fool, there's no time to pack! Leave behind Baby Suri and Victoria Beckham's handy style guide. Tom Cruise will cherish them. Like he cherished entrapping you in that Tardis. You know, the one he stole after Doctor Who finished filming for the season, wherein he condemned you to drift through space and time for approximately nine months. Until you returned with an odd-looking life-form. Brace yourself, Joey Potter. He wants to do that again.

Today marks that precious day of the year when mothers and fathers all over the world are expected to strap the nicest leash they can find onto their daughters' rhinestone chokers and drag them along to their places of employ. Once there, daughters can learn about the magical wonders of the working world, hopefully picking up a few effective expletives as well. Although today, little Helvetica might find herself accompanying daddy to a dim dive instead, where she'll sip on Shirley Temples while thumbing through that last Harry Potter book as daddy gets flushed on whiskey gingers and rails about loyalty, integrity, and the general bullshittery of being laid off. But Hollywood isn't beleaguered with boring unemployeds! Celebrities, unlike bland regular people, are still making money. Regardless, here are a few who I implore to call a sitter (Lindsay still needs a job!) before heading into the studio, the lot, or even the bar for a hard day's work.

● Paris Hilton’s next career move is to be a lesbian, just like Lindsay (allegedly). Hilton has (again, allegedly) made a down-under (i.e. Australian) sex tape with a "mode"’ named Cheyenne Tozzi. [ENTWise]
● Anna Wintour is in Sundance giving good face for the Vogue doc entitled The September Issue. She told reporters that she was "channeling mountain casual" in her leather Michael Kors jacket with a fox collar paired with a Oscar de la Renta turtleneck and J Brand jeans, and let’s not forget the Manolo Blahnik boots. [WWD]
● Can Tom Cruise stop talking about how much he wanted to kill Hitler as a child?! It’s just getting weird. [AP]

Unless you were Slumdog Millionaire, 30 Rock, a little-seen HBO flick about our second President, and Kate Winslet, your wins at last night's Golden Globes were at best negligible to nonexistent. But judging by the place settings at the round tables, at least everyone got great eats -- and contrary to popular belief, great swag! But as with all of these black-tie, gold-statue affairs, the night was definitely not without its non-winners too. So let's take some time out of our dreary Monday to point and jeer at them, because the losers were just too obvious.

Leave it to Tom Cruise to giddily prove his arch-nemesis -- the liberal media elite, not Brooke Shields -- wrong. Despite providing fodder by way of a scary eyepatch and his generally manic mien, it seems Cruise is having the last cackle now. With its $20 million box office haul this past weekend, Valkyrie has been minted a certified non-flop. Mind you, that's not exactly a hit. So while this isn't a just cause to dish out the Scientology party favors, news of his renewed appeal in Germany should be, especially considering the lengths the Germans went to obstruct production of the film. While Germany's approval of the kooky thesp's portrayal of Colonel Claus Von Stauffenberg may earn Cruise's handlers a few extra zeroes on their paychecks, being branded "Germany's hope" by director of this 2007 Oscar winner will no bring on the waterworks during the obligatory champagne toast at the Cruise-Beckham residence.

As the queen mother of all holidays approaches, I can't help but get misty-eyed at these tenuous one-sided relationships I've formed with a recurring retinue of mogulettes, primadonnas and headline-grabbers over the past year. It probably costs more to keep their bichon frisés in kibble for a week than to stage the now-defunct Fashion Rocks extravaganza. More importantly, it doesn't matter whether for Christmas, you asked for world peace, a piece of the world, or one of these doohickeys, because chances are these women are getting it all for the holidays. Also, it's immaterial what you asked for when considering the cat burglar who heisted $2 million of Paris Hilton's jewelry remains at large.