It's lovely that today, everyone's stepped back from hideously disfiguring America's childhood to do something that most filmmakers have been doing since the dawn of the silver screen: hideously disfiguring popular icons! Say what you will, but Jenna Maroney as Jackie Jormp-Jomp may be the closest thing to an accurate biopic of the troubled singer's life we'll ever get. But by all means that shouldn't stop other thesps with varying levels of talent from wanting to get off on being iconic for two hours in front of a camera pay their own tributes to Joplin. But let's have a closer look at the top damsels scrapping it out for the role plus a bonus, if obvious, contender.

● Despite the Gosselins renewing their vows on television last November, Jon Gosselin says his marriage fell apart last October, so his partying and man-whoring is totally justified. [MSNBC]
● This new round of Vanessa Hudgens nude cellphone pics are actually older than the original scandalous photos, as the former High School Musical actress learned her lesson about nude photos the first time around. [E!]
● Did Michael Jackson steal his gender- and race-bending transformation from this 3,000-year-old female Egyptian bust? [NBC]

● After nonstop tabloid coverage, Jon and Kate Plus Eight are back on the air from their self-imposed hiatus. [Us]
● Now that Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are dunzo, let’s take a look at their recently released private wedding album. [MrPaparazzi]
● Rumors that Vanessa Hudgens has banned BF Zac Efron from seeing Megan Fox are false; Hudgens is just (understandably) terrified that Megan Fox is going to steal her man. [Showbizspy]

● Lindsay Lohan has been hanging around sister Ali lately so her younger sister can foot the bill for Lindsay’s lavish lifestyle. [Popcrunch]
● Danger Mouse has collaborated with cult film director David Lynch to create visuals for his controversial album Dark Night of the Soul. [Dnots]
● Spoiler alert: Laura Leighton’s return as Sydney on the rebooted Melrose Place won’t last long, as she will be found face down in the famous MP pool at the beginning of the show. [EW]

● Usher would like Chris Brown to show a little remorse for what he did to Rihanna. I’m sure Brown, who already has won Rihanna back, will take that into consideration. [Us]
● Lily Allen is a bit upset about her "Shhh" tattoo now that see knows Rihanna had it first. Allen got the tattoo with new bud Lindsay Lohan after a night of partying, thinking the idea was original. Oops. [Entertainment.Stv]
● Despite rumors to the contrary, Slumdog Millionaire director and Oscar winner Danny Boyle will not direct the new James Bond film; he prefers watching one to directing one. [IMDB]

● It seems like this year’s Oscars will be more like the Tonys. The Hugh Jackman-hosted affair is set to have a huge musical number with Beyoncé, Zac Efron,Vanessa Hudgens, and Amanda Seyfried, directed by none other than Baz Luhrmann. [E!]
● It’s safe to say if Mickey Rourke wins the Oscar (and if I were a betting woman, I would say he will), he'll dedicate the award to his dog Loki, who has died at the age of 18. [TMZ]
● What does super-designer Marc Jacobs wear to lunch? A skirt, Doc Martens, and a Birkin of course. [FadedYouth]

● Vanessa Hudgens says the paparazzi are an excuse for her to dress up; glad they're good for something. [ShowbizSpy]
● Natalie Massenet, founder of online shopping mecca Net-a-Porter, is set to open an online fashion outlet version called The Out-Net come February. Recession chic in '09! [Telegraph]
● Angelina Jolie has reportedly been told to cool it on having any more genetically prefect babies because she might, you know, die. [ShowbizSpy]