Now that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has wrapped up spewing his hilarious bile all over an empty UN general assembly, an important question remains: What's he doing tonight? You don't make the long trek to New York all the way from Iran and not sample a taste of our legendary nightlife. So what does he do? Loiter outside the Gansevoort and blend in with a crew of other blazer-sporting, open-collar-shirted loudmouths? Or does he charm his way in to a private event so he can catch those MisShapes he's been hearing so much about? Even if we don't agree with everything he says, we still want him to have fun. Because if anyone needs to loosen up, it's that guy.

Are you tired of hokey recession specials that never end up scratching your gnawing, thirsty itch? We are rapidly becoming a city of broke drunks, thus it is vital we learn how to be the best broke drunks we can be. If you have no job, no prospects, and only a few bucks, but still maintain flawless taste, then check out the top ways to get your drink on without further damaging the already broken bank.

● Calle Ocho (Upper West Side) - Go to this spacious, attractive UWS Nuevo Latino on Sundays and order an appetizer. The policy is you must eat some sort of food in order to partake in the monster "sangria station," which is totally and completely F-R-E-E! That is correct, kiddies. A bevy of fruits, wines, rums, and all sorts of tasty drinkable treats line the dining room buffet-style, where you can ladle yourself to inebriation for hours.
● Welcome to the Johnsons (Lower East Side) - I like my bars how I like my men: grungy and cheap. This place is suitable for getting sloshed before going to the neighboring, pricier hotspots such as the Hotel on Rivington, 205, or Stanton Social.

A game of musical chairs is being played by most of the major promotional entities as the summer roof season is upon us. While the highly successful 230 Fifth will still dominate this market just as the Empire State Building dominates its incredible view, some places remain unsettled or don't have a clear opening date due to a myriad of problems. Highbar is getting a quick polish, while the roof at the Stay Hotel is still under construction. Mixed reports come from Cabanas and The Park, and the highly-touted Above Allen will finally get to open its windows amidst hopes that the sound spill doesn't disturb too many hotel guests and nearby residents. Daemon O'Neil, Rose Bar's patient, sweet, and very good-looking door guru (not to be confused with Damion Luaiye), is packing his clipboard and heading over to the Bazaar Bar at the upcoming Trump Soho hotel. The economic downturn, a weak dollar, and a laundry list of safety issues make travel abroad a lot less attractive this season. I hear reports that Hamptons summer rentals are sluggish, yet the Surf Lodge in Montauk is riding high.

Twenty-nine-year-old Michael Sinensky and the ageless Sean McGarr juggle the ownership of SideBar, Vintage Irving, The Big Easy, Hudson Terrace, and the Village Pourhouse, along with Michael's personal projects: corporate event management, "disco sushi," and the NewYearsEve.com. The much-anticipated opening of Hudson Terrace is slated for May 5, so the hospitality and nightlife pros gave us a glimpse at the new joint and the forces behind the machine.

Want to watch the big games this weekend? Pick a team, find your bar, and go hoot and holler. UConn fan? Head over to the Red Sky Bar & Lounge in Murray Hill. Doing the 8-clap with the Bruins? Head on over to the Village Pourhouse in the Village. Don't really care about who's playing -- you just want to drinks some beer and shout at the TV? Then Bounce Deuce in the East Village is the spot for you. For a conveniently mapped list of New York bars paying special attention to game-watching, click here.

The evening of the Academy Awards is one of those arbitrary, easy reasons to have people over, cook a few dishes, let your guests scuff up your floors, and be forced to clean up the mess by yourself at the end of the night -- sans a few dollars and with a dirtier apartment and the inevitable humorless letdown of watching a movie like Crash take Best Picture. Luckily, New Yorkers live in a city rife with far better places to be and far less irritating things to do. It helps that this year more than ever, it's easy to have a decent time on the cheap, and watch the show on a screen (or twelve) ten times the size of your boob-tube at home. We've dug up the best parties going down Sunday night; all we ask is that you don't forget your ballot, and your Nate Silver-endorsed cheat sheet with it.

February 14 is coming. Hearts, candies, and overpriced prix-fixe menus, and lucky for you, several Anti-Valentine's Day events to get sloshed at (and perhaps find a partner to take home to properly hate on the fake holiday). Here are five spots to take a piss on love.

1. Village Pourhouse (Greenwich Village) - There's a party going on after 10 p.m. called the "Ex-orcism Party." Bring a photo of your ex and take your turn taping their mug to the dart board. If you hit bull's eye, you win an hour of free open bar.
2. The Sunburnt Cow (East Village) - The second annual "No Love at the Cow" kicks off at 6 p.m. $20 gets you two hours of an open bar, and plenty of chances to mingle with the other singles at the bar.

1. Southern Hospitality (Upper East Side) - The 14 HD TVs and a large HD projection screen aren't the real excess here -- that's the $80 premium VIP package. All you can drink, all you can eat appetizers (the fried pickles are absurd), and guaranteed seating to make sure once the fat is on, it stays on. Free Jim Beam from 4 to 6 only sweetens the deal. The place to be.
2. 40/40 (Flatiron) - Like stepping into a hip-hop video, minus the fisheye. All-white, super sleek. Oh, and Kobe Bryant is holding a party for his Laker friends and all the video hos this side of the Bronx.
3. Village Pourhouse (Greenwich Village) - 50 bottles, around 24 drafts at any given moment. But with the $30 all you can drink Bud Light draft from kickoff until end of the game, we both know what you'll be drinking.

On Sunday, the New York Giants will play the Philadelphia Eagles for a chance to play for a chance to play in the Superbowl, and you can be damn sure every restaurant and bar in the city with a screen and a business sense will be looking to fatten you up with irresistible gameday specials. Here's a rundown of prime places in New York to watch Eli Manning and the Giants clip the Eagles' wings, or the Eagles ... peck out the Giants' ... eyes? Whatever:

● Southern Hospitality (Upper East Side) - Justin Timberlake's Memphis mock-up makes no qualms about who it's rooting for. Their menu includes a smoked eagle (turkey), clipped eagle wings, and the Big Blue Bird Crusher (blue frozen margarita), as well as Plaxico shots ($2 whenever the Giants score).

10. Jeremy’s Ale House (Lower Manhattan) - Not the greenest option, but when it comes to price, there’s no arguing with their $4 32-ounce Styrofoam buckets of Coors.
9. Zum Schneider (East Village) - It’s Oktoberfest all-year-round at this frat-tastic joint where the impressive beer selection comes in small 0.3l, regular 0.5l, or large 1.0l glasses.
8. Heidelberg (Upper East Side) - Nothing like drinking two liters of beer out of a glass boot.