It’s a Wonderful Life has some competition: the TV Guide channel announced that it will be broadcasting Dirty Dancing from noon to midnight on Christmas Day, so that after the stockings and presents (or Chinese and a movie, depending on your denomination), you can emotionally teleport yourselves to the Catskills and Patrick Swayze’s strong, strong arms. And should you doubt for a second just how strong those arms are, let me show you to the freakiest, dirtiest, cheesiest deleted scene from Dirty Dancing, and just about any other film beloved by girls ages 8 to infinity, that you've ever seen. Not exactly Christmas material.

Wow, people do some crazy sheeeet to themselves. Take a look at the fools on Pale is the New Tan and think about how they once decided, “This, this right here, my skin being the color of burnt flesh, pumpkins, hunter’s jackets, it looks really, really good. I’m gonna get laid tonight.” Because that actually happened. These folks are enough to keep even the most aesthetically careful fake tanner from the tanning bed/spray shower and are a really good advertisement for the sun. More pics after the jump.

For the last few years Katherine Heigl has been the TV star you go to if you’re looking for someone to say some wackadoo shit on the record: The first respectable movie she every appeared in? It was sexist. The TV show that got her the movie in the first place? Really badly written. That Emmy she won? Don’t you dare give her another one. That day she had to work? Way too long. But, in her defense, here’s one thing Heigl’s never done: tell a rape joke on national television. But that's exactly what Modern Family's Sofia Vergara did yesterday on The View. Move over Heigl, there’s a new loose-lipped loony in town, and she likes to say insane, self-defeating things even more than you do.

Can you resist the cuteness monster that is Miley Cyrus? Disney is doing everything it possibly can to make sure you can not, throwing all the cheesy, clichéd charm possible into the trailer for Cyrus’s next film, April’s The Last Song. Based on a Nicholas Sparks book that has yet to be released (Sparks wrote the novels that inspired The Notebook, A Walk to Remember and Message in a Bottle), The Last Song appears to contain a whole bunch of stuff you’ve seen; estranged parents, moody teenagers, young love, annoying-cute little brothers and Miley in full sassy, snotty, endearing mode. The one thing you haven’t seen is where she pretends to be a New Yorker -- but obviously one who will grow to hate New York. Honestly, it kind of works. Judge for yourself after the jump.

If you have been unfortunate enough to be whacked by the unemployment stick and have been reduced to considering debased ways to make a buck, please cross "Paparazzo" off your list of prospective careers. The Daily Beast reports that photographs of celebrities are selling “for 31 percent less than [they] did in 2007” and that “high-end” photos (think, Brangelina with baby) of six figures or more “are down more than 50 percent.” So, if you’re gonna climb into a tree or chase other human beings around Los Angeles for a photograph, please only expect to make thousands of dollars, not tens to hundreds of thousands of them. Brandy Navarre, the co-owner of photo-agency X-17, says, “We were looking at forms from 2007 and my husband was almost crying. You can’t believe the checks that were coming in, in ‘07 versus now what we’re getting. It’s a different world.” She calls it “The Post-Britney Era.” We call it good.

Should you ever wonder, “is this person/place/thing cool?” here’s one way to find out: ask yourself, does CBS think this person/place/thing is cool? If the answer is yes, then you have your answer -- hells no! That person/place/thing is extremely uncool. For example, in the last year, the word douche has been said 76 times on CBS and its brethren networks. Twenty-six series have made use of the word, including The New Adventures of Old Christine, The Vampire Diaries, Law & Order: SVU, and Grey’s Anatomy. In other words, douche is now a word that can be used to make old people laugh. Not cool.

Farrah Fawcett can. Not. Catch. A. Break. Trainwrecking on national television sucks. Dying of cancer sucks more. Dying of anal cancer sucks most. And then, after all that, dying on the same day as Michael Jackson. It’s like so much rain on one’s proverbial wedding day: bad, bad luck. And, now, here’s another drop: ABC has announced that it’s going to remake Charlie’s Angels. Guess who just missed out on lots of interviews, TV guest appearances, and photo shoots about her famous hairstyle? Sorry Farrah, you’ve been screwed again!

You know what America’s not doing enough of these days? Rocking. Forget all the other activities you engage in out a sense of civic duty -- recycling, fighting about health care, seeing something, saying something, consuming. If you’re a dedicated American you need to learn the “Freebird” guitar solo. See the folks at overthinkingit.com (by way of BoingBoing) have assembled a graph that compares “rock music quality” and “US oil production” and discovered a strong correlation between the two. In other words, when the lower 48 states were producing the great rock anthems of the 60s and 70s, they were also churning out barrels and barrels of black gold. By the time Creed took over the airwaves, all those oil rigs were sputtering, and America was in deep with the Saudis. I think you know what this means: Yes, the man above is responsible for our giant trade deficit, and if we start making really good rock n’ roll songs, we’re going to strike oil in, like, Maine.

Seriously, let’s all start getting British newspaper’s delivered to our inboxes, m’kay? Today, The Telegraph has scrounged up a beaut, not in the form of some barely sourced, patently bogus, but scintillating tale about celebutards (you gotta love the UK’s lax libel laws), but a story about science. Well, to be more accurate, about science and blowjobs. Just like condoms and strawberry flavoring, you only thought they didn't go together.

One day this vampire obsession will end. I know this to be true, because one day the world will end. That may be sooner than we’d like to think, if Roland Emmerich or the Large Hadron Collider have their way, or it may be so far into the future that the few surviving humanoids will be refugees on K-Pax, and presumably more interested in their survival than watching bloodsuckers boink. Presumably. Of course, a betting man, one interested in making some cash money hoes off the vamp frenzy, would probably wager that the bloodlust will peter out sometime between now and when Eclipse comes out, True Blood is past its prime, and it’s revealed that The Vampire Diaries' Ian Somerhalder has made some deal with the devil for eternal youth (those eyes are not human). In other words, if you were still looking to capitalize on this trend, you would want to be able to do it today (or this past Saturday), or consider getting into the werewolf market, because when it comes to this whole vampire thing, we, the American body politic, are just about sucked dry. So it is a bummer, if no surprise, that Amy Heckerling, the director responsible for two of the best teen movies ever made (Clueless and Fast Times and Ridgemont High) and a bunch of crap since, has decided her next project will be about ... vampires!