Taylor Lautner is jacked. This is very difficult to miss, given that his biceps, deltoids, triceps are the size of small planets and have been photographed with far more regularity of late than non-planet Pluto. Lautner’s freakishly well-developed musculature is displayed on the new cover of Rolling Stone, which showcases the Twilight star posing in a wet t-shirt with a football and guns so large and meaty they look like they could feed all of America Thanksgiving dinner. Also on display, granted through the haze of a wet white t-shirt, is a nipple. After the jump a gallery of Rolling Stone’s other most nippletastic, and almost nippletastic, covers.
First, the dudes.
Famous image in which Jim Carrey’s bum outshines his nip.
Isn’t it weird how this picture of Robin Williams does NOT make you want to gauge out your eyes?
David Cassidy has tiny little tic tacs.
This was Justin on the cusp of not being the guy from N’Sync and there’s something weird happening around the eyes, in his groin veins.
Red Hot Chilli Peppers prefer to be naked.
Pete Wentz’s are grody, just like everything else about him.
Ashton Kutcher’s nipple seems a smidge erect.
Blink-182 was a really big band once. They had so many tattoos their nipples were often obscured.
Blind Melon, RIP. Too soon for jokes.
This is Axl Rose pre-botox, if that helps explain anything.
Proof Gavin Rossdale was once someone other than Gwen Stefani’s husband.
Johnny Depp, almost a twofer.
Ok, you can’t quite see anything here except Zac Efron’s belly button, which is its own kind of titillating. But, clearly, this inspired the Lautner shoot.
This shot of Adam Lambert comes close, but no nip. Isn’t it weird that “gay” means chest hair, and “straight” (see previous) means smoother than a baby’s bum?
Nipple peeking out of middle Jonas Bro’s shirt. Count it.
Not quite, but this image of John Lennon is ur-almost nip.
Now the ladies, who just tease.
This is pretty awesome, still.
Seems like Britney did dozens of these shots, but this is the one that exposes the most.
Rose McGowan and Rosario Dawson go topless for no good reason. They probably shouldn’t have agreed to this.
Linda Ronstadt almost nipple malfunctions.
Don’t you kind of miss drrrrty Xtina?
So this happened, which is weird.
Gaga plays with bubbles, pays homage to someone.
No nipple, but, uhm, CRACK.