Hey baby, wake up. Yeah, I know you have a headache—you keep going on about it. But check it out, the new album by The xx just leaked! It’s called Coexist. You want to listen to it? I know, I know, headache. I just really want to listen to it for the first time with you. Because I have a feeling it’s going to be really... special.

Oh, so smooth, right? This band is smooth. It puts me in a certain mood, though I can’t quite put my finger on it. What kind of mood does it put you in? “Sleepy”? No it doesn’t; you were already sleepy. Think harder about what kind of mood it puts you in. Just listen. Isn’t it sort of sensuous, in a way, wouldn’t you say? What? No, I’m just spooning you. Can’t I just spoon you.

Okay, babe. I’m trying to... I really need to have sex. Dying for it. Yeah, the sex we had earlier was fine—no, right, fantastic!—but you have to understand, I’ve been up late looking at porn and pirating the new xx album, and now I’m craving your sweet love. I didn’t invent male biology! I thought this music would get you to, you know. Babe? I know you’re just pretending to be asleep. Aren’t you? Hello?