Mastering the art of a well-heeled West Coast life should include the following: a few down-dogs, perfecting the ordering of a massively complex warm dairy libation (a.k.a. the latte at Starbucks) without a flinch, and knowing where to get a leg-up on life. Whichever you choose to perfect, grasshopper, read the list below and reap the rewards.

● O Lounge (Downtown) - Wanna shoe-in for a fun night? They come in all shapes, heights, makes, and models here. The view is so much better from the top.
● Lift Bar and Grill (Coal Harbour) - The only thing better than watching the floatplanes take off from this yacht-laden enclave is gawking at the folks getting on them in their fabulous shoes.

● Absinthe (Hayes Valley) - While they’re only available at brunch, Absinthe’s deviled eggs are anything but traditional breakfast fare. Looking deceptively familiar with a dollop of egg yolk swirled into perfectly hard boiled whites, Top Chef alumna Jamie Lauren belies expectations by topping the potluck favorite with salty smoked trout, and as if that weren’t enough, a sprinkling of another kind of egg -- osetra caviar.
● The Alembic (The Haight) - Known for its cocktails, Alembic divides its drink menu into “old school” classics and “new school” elixirs like the Strawberry Alarm Clock, which marries strawberry puree with whiskey, vermouth, and a dash of Tabasco. Libations like these require bold but not overpowering bar bites to accentuate the flavors of the fresh ingredients, and an order of pickled quail eggs fits the bill. These gorgeous pink orbs of briny lusciousness are smooth and rich, with the perfect amount of salty punch to whet your palate for another drink.

● Boom Boom Room (Meatpacking District) - Eighteen floors above the Thigh Line, Eyeful Tower’s Boom Boom Room layers on even more sexual innuendo. Sex, too: nothing like floor to ceiling windows revealing the glittering city at your feet for getting you in the mood. Most now spot in town. (For now.)
● Jane Hotel and Ballroom (West Village) Latest smash from Sean MacPherson and Eric Goode gets all Edwardian on the WVill. Nights can run a little wild out this way, but that’s copacetic with the kinds of guests that the Jane Hotel attracts.
● Above Allen (Lower East Side) - Lush Life, indeed. Lofty Thompson LES rooftop heated up fast. Stephen Sprouse prints harken to downtown ghosts, while shmancy $15 cocktails shout out to hood’s posher present.

If you wanna be a hipster, you can wear a checkered lumberjack shirt with gray skinny jeans while you jog, never appear to wash your hair, and eat a raw carrot at a gallery opening. Or you could just hang out at the following Vancouver joints deep in the heart of SoMa -- i.e. south of Main Street.

● Narrow Lounge - If Bungalow 8 is for everyone who's anyone, this hard-to-find dive is its antithesis. Nobody is anybody that comes here, and that’s the point. Struggling artists and such fill the narrow dark space. Look for the red light to show you the way.
● Habit Lounge - Mixing hip with the home-y, the noisy lounge and restaurant is the casa of choice for moody journalists and graphic designers. A simple wine list, Canadian whisky, and modern Canadian food are all anyone can ask for.

Paris Fashion Week is upon us, along with the infamous parties. Following a full day of runway shows , you'll find the models (and LiLo , of course) lifting their skirts at one of the clubs below. A word to the unbeautiful: you'll have to be B-list or above to make it past the velvet rope this week.

● Le Souk Harem (Greenwich Village) - East Village pariah/magnet Le Souk adds "Harem" to the name, signals that it's not going all PC yet. Belly dancers, hookahs, general debauchery spread out over massive tri-level space. Start this thing off classy. You’ll eventually make it down to the Mars Bar level.
● Little Branch (West Village) - Apparently, "little branch" is Native American slang for "get loaded, righteously, with elegant grace and speed." Subterranean lounge known for stiff pours. Will definitely kick-start a couple of weeks to not remember.
● Superdive (East Village) - Bottle service is so 2008 -- hook us up with a keg, brah! Adult supervision not an emphasis here, therefore good launching pad for the myriad enticements of the EV.

● Mission Beach Café (Mission) - A favorite among hip neighborhood lushes for post-booze-fest brunches. Pretty young things, some still clad in their PJs, searching for comfort in decadent biscuits and gravy, Prather Ranch beef brisket hash, and of course pomegranate grapefruit Mimosas.
● Home (The Castro) - Bloody Mary preferences say a lot about a person. Do you take yours spicy or mild? With celery or olives?? Home’s Build Your Own Bloody Mary bar, which includes all of the standard accoutrement plus wasabi and a whole bevy of hot sauces, allows you to express your individuality while downing oversized omelets and crunchy cornflake French toast.
● Zazie (Cole Valley) - To compensate for the indelicacies of last night’s festivities, atmosphere of subtle French refinement can help you regain your sense of dignity. Shade your sensitive eyes under an umbrella in this small Cole Valley bistro’s back garden and sip on a cranberry or mango juice mimosa, forgetting last night ever happened.

● Mandarin Oasis (Brickell/Downtown) - Friday nights are popular during the winter months; sip $20 cocktails on the bay, then head to Café Sambal or Azul for a bite. Transports you to tropical island getaway minus the travel, but def with the price tag.
● Le Tub (Aventura) - This local watering hole -- sitting in a rickety old spot on the Intercoastal -- may be known for succulent burgers, but it’s also a choice spot for winding down with a cold brew or two. If you opt to cruise in on your Sea Ray, bring a DD -- water taxis don’t frequent these waters.
● Monty’s (South Beach) - Pain Killers and Miami Vices will put you on the ground; the former comes in three mind-numbing doses of the devil’s tonic, and the latter is a delish concoction of pina colada and strawberry daiquiri mix with an equally dangerous shot of 151 floating on top. Help the booze go down with a trip to the raw bar.

● Mayahuel (East Village) - Cocktail connoisseurs of Death & Co. build a tequila tabernacle to namesake goddess of pulque and agave. Dark, sexy atmo coupled with the smart pours will have you sinning and confessing, alternately.
● La Esquina (Nolita) - Bar scene with authentic Mexican food from über-scenesters Serge and Cordell. Dungeon chic and tacos. Not as stealth as at the start, but still holding its own.
● Los Feliz (Lower East Side) - Fat Baby peeps continue their colonization of Hell Square with South of the Border entry. La Esquina meets Spitzer's over margaritas. Come get feliz.

Now that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has wrapped up spewing his hilarious bile all over an empty UN general assembly, an important question remains: What's he doing tonight? You don't make the long trek to New York all the way from Iran and not sample a taste of our legendary nightlife. So what does he do? Loiter outside the Gansevoort and blend in with a crew of other blazer-sporting, open-collar-shirted loudmouths? Or does he charm his way in to a private event so he can catch those MisShapes he's been hearing so much about? Even if we don't agree with everything he says, we still want him to have fun. Because if anyone needs to loosen up, it's that guy.