Have you heard? Lost--that Samuel Beckett-esque exercise in absurdity--is back for a sixth season. You'll feel many emotions when the premiere finally happens tonight. Disappointment. Apathy. Wanderlust. But most importantly, you will want to partake in any number of useful Lost drinking games. Because nothing will make sense and there are even rumors that Ben Linus, that nasty piece of work, may emerge as the series' unlikely hero. But that's all they are: Rumors. So to ease your anxiety by enjoying any/all of these simple Lost drinking games.

• Take a shot when it appears the characters have mysteriously changed entire outfits despite the fact that they've been on the road for days at a time without so much as a toothbrush. • Take a shot for every time Jackface occurs. Take another if there's heavy breathing. • Take a shot whenever Juliet appears alive. • Take a shot whenever Ben Linus does that sinister, creepy curl of the lips that indicates that he's clearly scheming. • Take a shot whenever Jin shows off his fancy new English skills. • Take a shot every time Sayid tortures someone. Take another when he manages to do that and exude some degree of sexiness. • Start drinking when Kate has one of her "serious monologues" with Sawyer or Jack and don't stop until the scene cuts away. • Start drinking whenever there's a flashback. Stop only when the show shifts back to present day. Or continue if you're unsure whether the episode has reverted to present day. • Switch to whiskey if you haven't any time Sawyer punches someone up. Take an extra shot if he punches Jack. • Switch to vodka anytime Ilana tries to emote "sultry" with her exaggerated Russian accent. • Switch to water whenever you think Locke is actually doing what's best for the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 and not for "the island." • And finally, simply slam an entire 40 when Rose and Bernard turn up.