'Breaking Bad' 4.09 Recap: Ultimate Meth Chemist Fighting Championship

It's a known fact that discreetly placed GPS units have led to more domestic violence than alcohol, infidelity, and reality television combined. Still, Walt couldn't help but put the global positioning moves on Jesse's car, thus proving that Jesse hadn't yet slipped his deadly mickey to Gus. Obviously though there's a lot more going on here, and it's not repressed sexual tension. (Note I am not even bothering to google Walt-on-Jesse slashfic because we all know it exists and let's leave it at that.)

It's surprising that Walt and Jesse haven't attacked each other before. Neither is inherently physical, though both can be confrontational. The main similarity they share is an ego they both love to purposefully expose for wounding, and they both love to get most enraged when rightfully cornered. Walt is so obsessed with Jesse's disobedience that he fails to appreciate the game-changing news about the deal with the cartel -- that now, Gus is actually their only protection from people who have way, way less interest in keeping anyone alive on the US side of the border. And Jesse chooses to become furiously indignant about the GPS plant, when this is also completely insignificant in the aftermath of new shit coming to light, man.

The fight itself is very Breaking Bad: messy, painful, awkward, poorly executed. Two amateurs whaling on each other in various inefficient ways with little real damage done. Remember that Mike the professional violence man took Walt completely apart in a fraction of the time. Thus this is less about a victorious beatdown situation and more about both these fools blowing off steam. It no doubt cements Jesse's decision to throw in his lot with Gus, and could easily set up a final split between the two. I doubt Jesse is ready to permit the Gus-mandated cancellation of Walt, but neither is he Walt's best friend at the moment. We'll see how things go in Mexico. For now, let's review the stills.

MOST EVIL: The cartel's version of Mike is this gentleman. Known as "Gaff," you'll recall he was last seen delivering the cartel's ultimatum to Gus. He's still out there in the desert doing shenanigans, in the form of sniping the head off one of Mike's thugs. When he witnesses Gus' (as Jesse later describes it, and as noted below) "Terminator shit" in response, he can't suppress an appreciative smirk. Oh Gaff why can't you turncoat and work for Gus? He needs more suavely deadly dudes like you on the payroll.

GETTING EVIL: Slutty Skyler to the rescue! Accounting-wise, that is. Sure we can all see where this is going -- her zipless boss-fuck has turned out wrong in all kinds of ways. Or really that whole part-time job subplot is now becoming a problem. Still, Skyler manages to defuse the immediate crisis by showing off some pendulous jewelry spelunking in her cleavage. Everyone knows MILFs can't do money math! Case closed.

SECOND THOUGHTS: Last week I speculated that someone had to die this season, and our boy Ted just shot to the top of the list. Slutty Skyler may have saved his financial bacon for a moment, but he still has no money to pay his fines and back taxes. And we know Skyler is thinking about bailing him out in order to keep the spotlight off her sketchy books. But Ted has been revealed as the queen of the weak sisters. Somehow one doubts he will be able to maintain the omerta required of the criminal fraternity. And after his taxes are straightened out, and he starts making trouble for Skyler and Walt? I can't think of a single reason to keep the guy around, as Silvio once said about somebody who went away.

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