Not to be outdone by North Korea's incidental missile launch, a pair of popstresses more beloved than a thorough eyebrow threading have decided to don full military regalia, lock horns, and lead opposing rallies. All in the name of our lord, shepherd, and savior Susan Boyle. Frankly, I thought that swine flu had put the kibosh on Susie B., but these are trying times. Also, Britain's Got Talent really enjoys the added value of American relevance, so why not!

Pro-Boyle. Kelly Clarkson, the only actual superstar to emerge from the dregs of American Idol and recent victim of the Jessica Simpson effect, is quite taken with the mumsy diva. Says Clarkson between candlelight vigils being held to ensure Top 20 success for her latest single, "I think it's awesome. I'm bawling whenever I hear her sing." But, the Pro-Boyle camp gets extra gold stars for recruiting Demi Moore and Liz Taylor.

Anti-Boyle. Lily, Lily, Lily. It's one thing to trash Perez Hilton, but another, extraordinarily unsavory thing to eviscerate a 47-year-old church volunteer whose closest friend isn't even bipedal. Allen's aggregated tweets read: "Susan Boyle is so overrated. Je suis overrated aussi. Listen, I'm allowed to have an opinion. I thought her timing was off. No control, and I don't think she has an amazing voice. Yes, she can sing, but it's not about talent with her is it? She seems like a lovely lady but if it's about talent, that Shaheen kid should win." As with most beefs Allen has with the world, she finds herself leading an army of one against Boyle.