A strange and scary thing happened over the later part of last week. Spencer Pratt started following me on Twitter. Then late into the next night, as I was negotiating my e-mails after a steady flow of Long Island Iced Teas, I was filled with a more conflicted combination of terror and giddy excitement when I found out that Heidi Montag started following me. Full disclosure: My Twitter is nothing but an exercise in non sequiturs, superfluous hashtagging, and notes to self. So why anyone, friends or uncelebrities, would want a running stream of 140 character bursts of my melodrama is beyond me. Perhaps this was Speidi's way of keeping up with at least one half of their vanity, as Montag at least has a prolific backstory here. So consider this then making up for some overdue crumbs that Pratt's ego has long been clawing for.

Although when your wife is a truant gay rights advocate (we still need to have a chat about Maine, Montag), it might not be a good thing that the only comment that can be mustered is a groan of disappoint when everyone learns that you still intend to replicate.

Apparently on a preview of tonight's episode of The Hills (which isn't a documentary about sherpa love in the Himalayas), Pratt is apparently so afraid at the possibility of having to raise children that he considers a vasectomy. This is unfortunately not a dial-in program like American Idol, so pressing "1" or "2" into our touch-tone phones will not encourage or dissuade him from having the procedure done. Ultimately, the permanence of the procedure is what sent him running back to the ... hills, I guess. And upon learning that her husband was investigating such illicit and ungodly medical options, is none too pleased. Like how we were none too pleased when she misappropriated a Yazoo sample.